


Contents Under Pressure

by IraKey



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Gen, I'll be going into in depth story mode for that part, Internalized Acephobia, Look I kind of suck with this tagging thing, M/M, Other, POV Third Person Limited, The Gang will be in later chapters, ace Hermann, crossover AU, minor cussing, newt is actually charlie, slow building relationship, you don't actually have to know anything about sunny to read this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2025654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IraKey/pseuds/IraKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann is dealing with new information about his long time science lab partner, Newton Geiszler. As post-Drift dreams of Newton's past haunt him, he tries to assimilate his feelings and co-dependency on Newton as well as deal with the massive public attention he is being given. And when Newton disappears, it's like a part of himself is gone too. Using the information he got from the Drift, he goes to find Newton and bring him home. But when he learns about Newton's past, he has to choose to take on that baggage as well as his own. Something Hermann doesn't realize is that it actually goes both ways, and Newt might want to help Hermann as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remain Close

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Pacific Rim, I learned about the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". My roomies went off on a cruise, so in between jobs, I've been marathoning Sunny. It's not my particular kind of show, but I definitely enjoy parts of it. And then I started noticing similarities between Charlie Kelly and Newt Geiszler. And this happened.  
> There's another fic that I've seen that goes down this road. I have been reading it and it goes in a different direction than this, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to have two fics based off the same idea.  
> Hopefully I do these characters justice and you like them. I'm basing some of Hermann's behaviors off someone I'm very close to because I see him as an INTJ with strong problems in communication.  
> If you like this, please leave a comment because that really helps keep me going on projects like this. Thank you. :)

_”Doctor….Geiszler is it? We’ve brought you here because of your expertise in unique biological compounds. You’re aware of the recent attacks by what people have decided to call Kaiju?” The thin Asian woman sat in an empty white room, her pantsuit immaculate except for some dandruff on the shoulders like snow on coal. Everything is black and white and beige and brown, and the slight flickering of her fluorescent light is causing a dull throbbing deep behind his left eye. He’s thirsty and nervous. He needs to do this._

_“Ah, yes.” Push glasses up the noise nervously, force hands away from the skinny black tie hanging like a noose around his neck. His voice cracked unflatteringly on the next syllable. “I-I’ve more than just heard about it. I’ve gotten my hands on some samples, totally legit stuff by the way, the States sent it to me you know, and like…I can help. I’m just a scientist, but I can help the jaeger pilots find Kaiju weaknesses, help take them out.”_

_In the future, his arms will be covered in bright tattoos, a sign of his passion and the depth of his fascination, but for now his sleeves are rolled down and buttoned. He is unusually clean, having slept for two hours in his own bed before showering and getting the clothes especially picked out for today. He’s trying to make a good impression, and most non-biologists don’t seem to appreciate the smell of formalin._

_“All right, that’s understandable. It’s very noble of you to want to do your part. There’s one problem with your file.” The name on the desk is Lin Jones. Adopted? Americanized when her family came over as immigrants? She has a slight Southern drawl she seems to be consciously masking. Maybe she is just as nervous as he is. It’s the end of the world after all._

_Papers flick with the flickering light, and concentrating on them makes his head hurt more. He takes his glasses off to clean on the hem of his shirt, suddenly aware of the small flecks of something on the left lens. Ms. Jones becomes fuzzy almost instantly, but the sound of paper continues a few seconds longer._

_“It appears that we have no records of you before the year 2013, and no official record until you are admitted to MIT two years later. Now, even under normal circumstances this would be questionable. Do you have an explanation for this Dr. Geiszler?”_

_He’s been sweating this entire time. He had been hoping, hoping that the end of the world was a good enough excuse to let him in. But apparently it’s too early. They don’t want to take chances with the specimens. Or maybe just with the mech suits. He pushed his glasses up again, blinking at the sudden clarity._

_“I do. It’s because I changed my name legally in 2012. My previous life wasn’t a very criminal one,” this was a lie, “mostly filled with negligence and alcohol. Whoever I was back then doesn’t matter. This is my life now.”_

_He can’t read her face. He’s always been incredibly bad at reading people, and it used to be even when someone blatantly said how they were feeling he would ignore it. They ignored him, didn’t they? It was only fair. His heart stops, he’s sure of it, when she inhales._

_“Desperate times call for desperate measures Doctor Geiszler. We’re going to assign you to the Hong Kong Shatterdome – ”_

_“Oh, thank you, thank you – ”_

_His interruption earned him a steely look over the papers of his file, and he stopped talking. “Like I was saying, you will leave for Hong Kong at the end of the week, just long enough to get your local affairs in order.” He was nodding rapidly, trying to keep from bouncing in his seat. “You’ll be assigned as the head of biology of the K-Science team with ten people to work under you directly, as well as an assistant. The other head, the one over mathematics and physics, will be a Doctor Hermann Gottlieb.” The corner of her mouth went up slightly. “I suppose you two will have a lot to talk about, being both German citizens.”_

_She knew. He swallowed thickly and smiled. “Yeah, of course. It’ll be great seeing Herms again.” Not really, but he wouldn’t prove her right. He felt the meeting was at an end and stood, knocking his chair back with his calves. It stung a bit, but his head hurt worse. “Thank you so much Ms. Jones. I won’t let you down. I’ll be, I’ll be a rock star. A rock star of science.”_

_If she was perplexed by his statement or shaking hands, she didn’t let on, standing and walking around her desk to let him out. Her shoes clicked; the floor was fake wood sealed against spills and scratches, and her shoes had a very small heel that put her equal with his height. “Good luck Doctor Geiszler. I would suggest you keep your previous identity from your fellow scientists and Shatterdome residents.”_

_“I’m not him anymore.” He stared at her, ignoring the open door. “I’m not. I’m never going to let anyone know he used to exist.”_

_The muscles around her right eye twitched. She knows. “Have a good afternoon Doctor Geiszler.” It was a dismissal disguised as a nicety. His head lowered, hands getting stuffed into his pockets. The black slacks felt awfully loose on him. If it wasn’t for the belt, they’d fall off._

_“Thank you. You too Ms. Jones.” He walked out, past several other offices and cinderblocks walls painted white. It was all so sterile. His head was throbbing. Once he was home he’d take his medicine. He needed to stop and ask for painkillers to drive._

_When did he get a car?_

Hermann Gottlieb woke with a throbbing headache behind both eyes. One was a reminder of his drift with Newton, the other…from the odd dream he had. If it could be called a dream.

Hermann felt something pull at his arm when he moved, and he cracked open his eyes, blinking the sleep from it. He didn’t dare sit up or move his arms until he investigated. There was noise too, a soft beeping from his right and left, and the sound of someone snoring, whistling with each exhale. Further away there was the occasional sound of footsteps, sometimes with talking, sometimes with crying. He was in the medical bay. He and Newton had collapsed shortly into celebrations. Tendo must have brought them here. He sighed, turning to his left and squinting at the screen of his medical set up. He had a fever, if he was reading things correctly, but he ignored that, turning to his right now. 

Newton was snoring, flat on his back and a cannula dangling awkwardly off one ear. Newton had nightmares sometimes. Surely all this kaiju mess would be fodder for more. Hermann didn’t mind the snoring. Newton had often fallen asleep on the threadbare couch in their shared lab (or more often with his face mere centimeters from some exposed specimen, its fluids, and the preserving chemicals, which always disturbed the mathematician). It was a reassuring sound. The more pressing problem was the prickling of a needle in his right arm combined with the unpleasant fullness of his bladder.

Moving to sit up distracted him from his dream. First, he had to move his leg, which exploded with pain from his ungraceful collapse earlier that evening. He used the IV stand to hold himself up, limping to the bathroom at the end of the room. He and Newton had been put together, and for that he was grateful. Even moving a few meters from the unkempt, tattooed bane of his life was a bit baneful. He felt he was getting sudden clarity about drift partners.

That wasn’t right. He was a drift partner now. With Newton and…and the Kaiju. He clung to the IV with one hand to ease pressure on his leg. In the other room the snoring stopped.

“Hermann?”

“Give me a moment Newton. I’m going to wash my hands first.”

“All right.” Hermann washed his hands a bit more quickly than he normally would, drying them on his pants. Someone had brought his pajamas, a flannel set to combat the chill of the Shatterdome. It had clouds on it. He was not embarrassed at all. When he got back, he saw Newton was blinking, pushing at the air in front of his nose. “Herms, do you see my glasses anywhere?” 

“Do not call me that Newton.” It was automatic. He looked about before spotting the plastic frames. One of the lenses was cracked but they looked serviceable enough. “They are sitting about half a meter to your right on a table. “

“Thanks man.” The glasses were a crutch to Newton, as much as his skinny tie and tight fitting jeans, or Hermann’s sweaters and his oversized jacket. Newton was staring at Hermann, face creased like he could feel the tumultuous thoughts Hermann was pointedly ignoring. “Sit dude. You look like Snoopy pretending to be a vulture, but in fuzzy blue pajamas.”

“I do not,” he said but chose to sit anyway. A twinge of pain and his fading headache convinced him to sit on the edge of Newton’s bed. Newt sat up, groaning. Hermann could feel sympathy pain all down his spine. “We collapsed. I woke shortly afterwards, while Tendo was getting us onto some stretchers. You were fairly out of it though.”

“Probably because I drifted twice.” Newt rubbed his hip. “Is your leg hurting?”

“It is.” He frowned softly. “I believe I fell in an awkward position and wrenched it. How are you feeling?” How can you feel what I’m feeling he wanted to ask but remained quiet for now.

“Headache. Back hurts.” He moved forward to sit next to Hermann, tugging the IV out of his arm ungracefully. Hermann didn’t mind all that much when he slumped against the tall, thin man’s side, carefully draping his arm around Newt’s shoulders. He felt a lot smaller than the oversized t-shirt suggested. “We did it man. We’re rock stars, right?”

“I believe so. I do hope Tendo keeps the press out of the Shatterdome for awhile. I don’t feel capable of handling media attention currently.” Newt laughed, body shaking. Hermann wasn’t sure when it turned to tears, but he recognized the sound of a person trying to cry silently. “Newton? Newton, what’s wrong?”

“What are we going to do now?” Hermann moved to hug him more properly, the pain in his hip causing him to clench his teeth. Newt buried his face in the collar of Hermann’s shirt, fingers turned into claws to clench into Hermann’s shoulderblades.

“You could always work at MIT again,” Hermann suggested, pragmatic as always. That earned him a squeeze and a slightly disbelieving look from Newton. 

“Are you seriously doing this right now?”

“You said you didn’t know what to do, so I thought…” 

Newton laughed softly, letting his forehead thump against Hermann’s collarbone. “You’re a stick Herms. We need to put some meat on you.”

“I don’t think now is the appropriate time for talking about my diet Newton. And if we must bring that up, we should discuss your diet of ramen and soy sauce.” 

“And energy drinks. You always forget the energy drinks and coffee.”

“It’s impossible to forget them. You practically buzz around the office when you drink one of your disgusting cocktails.” Newton laughed again, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand before pulling away. “You shouldn’t have pulled out your IV Newton. They could have had your medication in the bag.”

“I know, I know. I’m not having problems from the lack of medication,” Newton said before straightening up. “My head is killing me though.”

“Me too. It’s probably an aftereffect of the drifts you’ve experienced.” Hermann stood stiffly, clenching his jaw again.

“Dude, you need to lie down and get some medicine for that hip. I’m feeling the pain from here.” Newton stood as well, clumsy with his efforts to help, so much so he kind of just got shoved away with one hand.

“Don’t. I can do it myself Newton. But thank you.” He sat on his bed, grateful again for the small distance between the beds. He laid down slowly, groaning. Newton was hovering anxiously, picking where his IV had been and the tape was still at. Hermann sighed, shifting ad wincing. “Could you help me move a pillow under my hip? It’ll help ease the weight off of it.” 

“Of course. Pillow…pillow…” He grabbed the one off his bed, following Hermann’s directions to fold it in half and slide it into place. He smiled as Hermann relaxed, watching Newton through lidded eyes. Newton was still hovering.

“You should lie down as well Newton. You drifted twice. You might have suffered brain damage from that trash you used the first time.” 

“It wasn’t trash. I found it in the jaeger…okay, it was trash. But it worked, didn’t it?” Newton moved away reluctantly, sitting on his bed again to watch Hermann. 

“Yes it did. Lie down Newton. We’ll have a nurse reinsert the IV in the morning.” He watched Newton adjust himself in the bed, sheets crinkling. Newton rolled on his side, eyes still on Hermann.

“I was dreaming earlier,” he said softly. “I was you.”

“Mm?” The back of Hermann’s neck prickled unpleasantly. 

“Yeah. You were teaching an advanced physics class. Or tutoring. Or a giant lizard. It’s hard for me to remember now. Did you have any dreams of me? Or as me, I guess.”

“I don’t remember my dreams,” he lied. He wondered if he asked Newton about it if he would be told the truth. Maybe. But he didn’t want to risk it either. Hermann was more than a touch paranoid. And right now Newton was one person he did not want to lose at this point in time.

“All right.” Newt was quiet for a few minutes. “I can’t sleep.”

“You’re not trying Newton.” 

“Can we share a bed?”

“What?” Hermann sat up slightly as Newton got up again, going to check out the bed situation. “There isn’t room for the two of us.”

“Oh right. Your hip needs to stay still too.” He kept standing beside Hermann’s bed before he sighed.

“Pull that chair up. Your neck will hurt, but I don’t want – I want. I would like you to remain close to me.” It took a bit of effort for him to recognize what he wanted and even more to actually admit it. Newton scraped the chair over the floor before he sat. Hermann reached out for his hand, grasping it lightly. Newton squeezed, accepting a silent invitation to share the pillow. And like that they fell asleep once again, exhausted and traumatized by sharing a greater consciousness but slightly more comfortable by their shared space.


	2. Panic Attack

_”You are the most vile, incessant, annoying creature I’ve had the displeasure of exchanging correspondence with. Do not talk to me again.”_

_Hermann dressed like a fashion repressed grandfather even at twenty-eight. He had thought Hermann was at least forty when they first met. Also, he had been certain that he was Hermann’s father._

_It was kind of disappointing really. He had been excited to discuss the mysteries behind the Kaiju and their seemingly random attacks on major cities. Math and biology, working together to save the world._

_Ah well, he was certain he would help with the PPDC soon. He wasn’t cut out to be a jaeger pilot, at least for combat. And in the meantime he might be able to get a hand on some of that newest Kaiju, Yamarashi._

“Hey my brothers. Newt, why aren’t you in bed?” Tendo’s loud and cheerful voice was a welcome interruption from Hermann’s dreaming, and he blinked, lifting the hand entangled with Newton’s to rub at his eyes. Newton was stirring too, grouching about his neck. Neither of them tried to let go of each other’s hand. 

“Do you have to be so loud? We’ve been through a very traumatic experience recently and it’s kind of extremely early for this.” Tendo’s face was enough to make even Hermann laugh.

“You two didn’t switch bodies while you were drifting?” Tendo asked, pulling a second chair from across the room, fiddling with his bow tie absently. “Because Newt, you sounded just like Hermann there.”

“No, Tendo, no body switch. I can assure you we are in our own bodies, if a bit scrambled.” Hermann sat up more, grateful that his hip didn’t flare in pain. He was struggling with keeping on his usual calm demeanor. Newton glanced at Hermann, giving him a look that could only be one of disbelief, but Hermann had no idea why he would look at him that way.

“Well, I thought I’d come and talk to you about last night, after you two collapsed and everything. Course, I ended up talking to Allison quite a bit last night. We’re thinking the Midwest might be a good place for us, after some traveling…” Tendo chattered on for a few minutes more, but Hermann was temporarily locked onto something he had initially said. He shifted again, feeling Newt’s grip tighten in a squeeze.

“You’re going to retire from the PPDC?” Hermann finally asked, interrupting Tendo. “Sorry, sorry. I just lost my focus for a moment. But really, Tendo, are you thinking of leaving?”

Tendo smiled, looking a bit uncomfortable. “I was thinking about it, yeah. I mean, we have no idea when we’re gonna to be done right? What will even happen with the jaegers now that the kaiju are gone? Do we decommish them, sell them for scrap? What about the blueprints, Drift tech, what’s going to happen to that? And you and Newt – sure you guys can go back to teaching, if they’ll let you. You know too much about the Breach to be let out safely. What if some nut job taking over Chau’s ring decides they need more bone powder and want to make their own Breach?”

“I don’t know how to – ”

“You don’t, we know that. But you have all your research, all your work, all your _math_ wrapped up in the Breach and predictions about the Breach. They wouldn’t hesitate to pull an Iron Man and kidnap you to make things for them.”

“I-Iron Man?” How did an old superhero (displaced since jaeger pilots became real life superheroes) play into this? Or did he mean the song. “How does – ”

“You didn’t see the movie did you?” Newton smiled, but it was a tense, small smile and he looked paler than usual. “The 2008 movie. With Downey Jr? Dude was awesome in that. He is Tony Stark.”

“What does Tony Stark, or Robert Downey Jr, or me going to see a movie that yes I _did_ go and see thank you have to do with my being kidnapped for – oh.” Hermann pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Nevermind. I understand.”

Tendo watched them with a small smile. “Are you saying you’ve watched something positively nerdy and not scientific at all there Hermann?”

“I went with some friends,” Hermann said simply, two spots of color high on his cheeks appearing with his embarrassment. 

“You have friends?” Newt asked, but Hermann’s angry and horrified look put a pit into his stomach. “Sorry man. I was only joking. Of course you’ve got friends.”

“Can we just go back to the original object of our discussion?” Hermann asked tensely, realizing that Newton was still clinging to his hand tightly. One of them was starting to sweat, and guessing from how warm Newton was, he could guess who it was.

“Of course, of course,” Tendo said, hands up in an appeasing gesture. “So, anyway, I want to be with my family. I have a child I’ve seen maybe ten times, and only three of those were in person. I don’t want to get locked up in some sort of Interpol dungeon out in Pakistan.” He saw both scientists staring at him like he was a loon and held up a hand. “I’m not saying Interpol has a secret dungeon in Pakistan, not literally. That was an illustrative example for you more literally minded types. Like the Iron Man reference.”

“Thank you for the illumination,” Hermann said dryly. 

“You don’t think they’d want me do you?” Newton asked, finally getting to what was on his mind. Hermann could practically feel the anxiety coming off Newton in waves. “I mean, all I’ve ever done is play in Kaiju guts and tried to kill myself with a heap of junk.”

“Newton, I think we should talk about this later,” Hermann began quietly.

“You drifted with a Kaiju and have seen Chau’s inner workings, albeit briefly. You’d be useful too, to criminals and to world governments.”

“Oh.” 

It must’ve been a post-Drift thing because there was no outward sign before it happened. Hermann felt a rush of panic, an emotion he was no longer used to and certainly not in such a rush. Then the grip on his hand loosened and Newton stood up.

“I-I have to go – ”

“Newt?”

“I just have to…have to take a walk of something.” Newton started off, hitting the foot of his bed and stumbling. Hermann started to stand, reaching for his IV stand.

“Newton, don’t.” Tendo stood to help but Hermann shot him a look. “You don’t as well. He’s having a panic attack.”

“A panic – what, no I didn’t mean that.” Tendo started to go after him before making himself stop. “I’ll apologize later. I might set him off worse.” 

“I’ve only had to deal with a full blown panic attack from him a few times in the past few years,” Hermann admitted, wondering where Newton would’ve gone to hide and if he could walk around in his flannel pajamas. 

“He takes medication for the anxiety,” Tendo was saying, but Hermann had found his shoes and was struggling to put them on and hold onto his IV stand. Hermann looked up, giving up on the laces for the time being and getting a face full of grey-white faux fur.

“He’s in the tower,” Hermann said with a groan, taking the coat. “Why does he go there? He doesn’t even smoke anymore.”

“It’s his safe place,” Tendo said with a shrug. “Probably no one’s there right now.” He watched Hermann carefully pull his IV out, pushing the stand to the sharps disposal box. The needle went in there. 

“Do you know where my cane is?”

“Yeah, let me just grab it.” Tendo left. It felt like he was taking too long, so he started down the hallway, bracing himself against the wall. Tendo found him like that, nearly crashing around a corner. “Hermann, oh. I didn’t realize you’d leave the med unit without your cane. You landed on your leg pretty oddly last night.”

“I’m aware but Newton is panicking because we’re Iron Man and last night he mentioned not knowing what to do now.” Tendo was staring at him but Hermann just took the cane, giving him a slight nod. “Thank you Tendo. I’ll make sure to find you once Newton has calmed down.”

“Thank you Hermann.” Tendo watched to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt himself before going to check out LOCCENT and see if Marshal Hansen had any idea of what was going to happen.

The tower was an old observation place for airplanes and jaeger training. It also used to be a place where people would smoke, so it was host to a pile of butts and a broken old folding chair. That is where Hermann found Newton, rocking back and forth with his face in his hands. He was shivering. 

“Newton. Why do you insist on coming up here? The staircase is broken and there is rubbish all over the floor. Let’s go somewhere warm.” 

“I’m okay here. It’s not that cold.” Newton’s voice sounded constricted, like he was being strangled. Hermann watched him before sighing, leaning his cane against the wall, avoiding a patch of broken glass, before pulling his coat off and dropping it over Newton’s shoulders. It was bitterly cold outside, and whenever a breeze came through his teeth were set to chattering, but it was worth making Newton look up, pulling the coat closed. “Hermann, you’re going to freeze in those cloud pj’s.” 

“I’m fine for now,” Hermann lied, looking about for a way to get out of the cold. It was impossible for him to sit, so he remained standing in front of Newton, clinging to his cane for support. “Newton, no one is going to kidnap you or make you do something you don’t want to do.”

“But I don’t know what I want to do!” Newt bounced up too fast, knocking into Hermann. He cursed as Hermann fell backwards, trying to grab him and falling himself instead. Hermann was smart enough to hold his head up so it didn’t slam too directly into the ground, though it did bounce. Pain lanced up his leg as he landed, even though instinct meant he twisted to land on his good side. Newton fell on top of him, feeling like a pile of stones landed on his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs and sending more pain up his leg and into his spine. Newton, for his part, landed partially on his elbows, protected by the oversized jacket from the rubble and scrapes. They laid like that for a minute before Newton shakily shifted off to one side of Hermann, hands going to make sure Hermann was breathing.

“Newton, please stop. You are exerting pressure on my sternum.” Hermann closed his eyes, trying to focus. He regretted ordering Newton to stop immediately because the smaller man immediately pulled his hands away. 

“I’m sorry Herms. I freaked out and I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I did and what if I keep fucking up and screwing people over and then MIT won’t take me back and I’ll end up in a hole in the middle of nowhere and – ”

“Newton. Newton stop, just stop and breath for a minute. Come on.” Hermann was trying to sit up and struggling. It felt like his hip had popped out of place, but that was just the stiffness getting to him. “Can you help me up?” he asked more meekly, hating himself for being helpless with both himself and with Newton’s insecurities.

“S-sure.” Newton tucked an arm under Hermann’s back, easing him up. There was an audible pop, disproving Hermann’s thought that it just felt that bed. The pop was accompanied by a loud groan from Hermann and Newton’s arm getting a punch from the pain. 

“Well then.” Hermann attempted to dust the back of his shirt off and shivering. “I do not wish to be out here any longer in my nightwear and risk catching a cold. Could you please accompany me to my quarters so we can continue this conversation somewhere warm?”

“Of course. But are you sure you can walk?” Newton moved to collect the cane. Hermann could still feel the tense anxiety that kept the man wound as a coiled spring. Hermann accepted the cane and the hand up, clenching his teeth as his hip protested. “Here Hermann. Let me – ”

“Newton stop. You don’t have to help me,” Hermann said, holding himself stiffly as Newton buzzed around, trying to figure out what to do. Newton backed off, rocking back and forth on his feet and starting to pick at the jacket. Hermann took a cautious step forward, hip flaring with the sudden increase in weight. Newton flinched but Hermann continued to move, one slow rickety step at a time.

“Herms, are you sure?”

“Do not call me that Doctor Geiszler.”

“Aw, man don’t demote me back to Doctor. At least call me Newton.”

“Then don’t call me Herms.”

“How about Hermy?”

“No.”

“Her- _man_.” 

“Newton, now you’re just emphasizing half of my name.”

“No, it’s a pun. Her- _man_ like human. Or a male person.”

“I understand it Newton.”

“It’s…funny.”

“Not particularly.” The banter was not quite as witty as usual, but with one person actively trying to hold themselves together and the other focusing on walking without collapsing it was surprisingly impressive. When they made it to Hermann’s quarters, Newton hovered until Hermann gestured him inside. “Come on. I’m just going to take some pain medication and find something clean for me to wear. And you too.”

“Me? Are you sure?” Newton closed the door, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the dimmer light. He’d been in Hermann’s room before, so he was used to the neat, rather austere appearance. There were a few posters and pictures up though, neatly lined up according to the cinderblocks. There was one Newton had given him of The Beatles when he found Hermann singing “The Yellow Submarine” under his breath and solving complicated formulas. Hermann hobbled from the bathroom in a clean pair of standard issue sweats, not wanting to struggle with zippers and buttons and his sweater. He just wanted to rest in privacy. Relative privacy.

“Newton, I have another pair of sweats. Go and change. You’ll be warmer without holes in your pants.” He bent slowly to sit down on his bed, waiting for Newton to return. He ended up bouncing his good leg as he waited, staring off into space as he attempted to locate the source of his own prickling anxiety.

“Can I sit with you in the bed? It’s bigger than the hospital beds.” Newton had thrown his clothes on the floor in the bathroom, just a little more careful with Hermann’s jacket. That went on the desk chair. Hermann nodded, smiling tiredly. The painkillers had numbed the stabbing pain into a something more akin to a dull roar, and for that he was grateful. Newton sat immediately, but it wasn’t long before he proved to be twitchy, tapping his fingers against his knee in an incessant rhythm. “Do you think – ”

“Newton, are you wanting to bring up the getting kidnapped and used for your knowledge of Kaiju again?” Hermann asked. Newton nodded quickly, opening his mouth, but Hermann physically stopped him, a finger over his lips. “Newton, you do not have to know what you want to do immediately. There is a lot of paperwork and specimen preservation, talks, research papers, the like, and all that while we’re with the PPDC. Afterwards, if you still want to work, universities will fight over you to have you as a teaching professional. You’re more socially capable than I am,” he said softly. “And when I say that, I mean when you’re on your anxiety medication.”

“I am on my medication,” Newton mumbled from behind Hermann’s finger. He got a second finger added for that.

“Hush. I know you are, but you’re still freaking out.”

“I never thought of doing something after this. I hit my peak and what if Tendo is right and we just get shuffled into hiding or something like that?” Newton pulled Hermann’s hand off his mouth to talk better. “I don’t want to go back into nothing or get killed in Afghanistan.”

“Is this an Iron Man reference again?” Hermann asked blankly. Newton shrugged, looking miserable. Hermann sighed, feeling his headache coming on again. “Okay Newton. You’re basing everything off of conjecture and gut feelings and Tendo wanting to see his family without being locked into an unbreakable contract with the PPDC. Let’s look at the facts. The Breach is closed. You have plenty of Kaiju specimens to be organized, dissected, and preserved. We have papers to write on our discoveries to be published to the public. Is all this true?” Newton was quiet but he nodded slightly. “So, do you think this is something that can be done in the next month?” More hesitation, then a quick shake. “I can help you find a new job while we work on all of this, all right? I’m going to have to find a place to go too.” He was hoping he could get a researching position at his alma mater, but only time would tell. 

Newton nodded again, moving to press his forehead against Hermann’s shoulder, pressing lightly. Hermann didn’t move, unfamiliar with what he was doing and what Hermann needed to do to make Newton feel better. “Um…I think you need to take your glasses off so you don’t hurt your nose…no? Okay, um, Newton?” Hermann felt his face heat up as Newton started to hug him again. It wasn’t like the last hug. There wasn’t any crying for one, and Hermann felt very uncomfortable. 

Then Newton pulled away, rubbing his eyes and smiling weakly. “Thanks man. My headache’s back though. Any chance I can bum some painkillers off you?”

“My pills are prescription. I’m not giving them to you because that would be illegal. You are welcome to some water though as we haven’t eaten or really drank anything since the double event.” His stomach growled, making him sigh. “I do not think I can walk anymore.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get us something to eat. I need to apologize to Tendo as well.” Newton stood, pulling on his shoes. “He didn’t know I am, was, something. I was freaking out. I’ll be better soon.”

Hermann nodded, shifting slightly to ease the pressure off his leg. “Newton, be careful. Your glasses are a bit cracked so you won’t be seeing quite right.”

“I know Hermann. I did make it to the tower on my own,” Newton pointed out. Hermann pulled a disgusted expression, moving to the edge of his bed. “No, stay there. Lie down.”

“I don’t need to be patronized Newton,” Hermann snapped. “Please, just go get some pain medication for yourself and some food for us both if you would be so kind.”

Newton only gave Hermann a glimpse of his hurt before he turned away. “All right man. I’ll be back soon.”

“Thank you Newton.” Hermann watched the door shut behind Newton with the distinct feeling he had screwed up.


	3. Keeping Secrets

_The first month at Anchorage had been incredibly lonely. Lonely enough that he broke his promise and went to a bar. He had been hoping to find some nice, probably intoxicated, woman to take to bed, impressed with his status in the jaeger training program._

_Instead, he had gone to the ‘dome piss drunk and lonelier still, throwing up on a soldier’s shoes. He had expected to get hit, yelled at, or at the very least be on the receiving end of a rude gesture or a look. Instead, the soldier had taken him to his room, cleaning him up and making him wash his mouth out. He had woken up with the soldier in his bed, both dressed in sweats. The man hadn’t taken advantage of his nearly blacked out state except to share a bed. That morning he had learned he didn’t like just women._

_In fact, that was the start of a brief but exciting relationship. After that, he didn’t remember quite how to start a relationship again. He soon found his way into the arms and beds of anyone who would take him. It was a good way to drain his excess energy so he could concentrate. It was nice. He was still lonely, but at least he could pretend this way._

When Newton returned, Hermann felt a flood of relief. If he had been able to, he would’ve gotten up and actually hugged Newton. He remembered reading a report about how copilots often had a desire to remain close to each other up to seventy two hours after drifting. And that wasn’t to mention the added variable of sharing one’s consciousness with a hive mind. Human nerves were not Hermann’s specialty, but he knew that they were not meant to share so much information at once.

“Herms, you’re kinda staring into space there.” Newton set down the tray he’d brought in, toeing out of his shoes and shoving them to one side with a foot. “You okay?”

Hermann nodded vaguely, not quite reacting to the repulsive nickname. “Yeah, just thinking.” He took his cane, forcing himself up. “Thank you for the food Newton. Please, sit. We can eat in here. Did you get water and some painkillers for yourself?”

“Yes, of course I did.” He picked up a tiny plastic bowl with four pills. “Two painkillers and my meds.” He took the meds, dry swallowing. That made Hermann want to gag, but he kept his composure for now. He still was stuck on the idea that he had screwed something up earlier, and he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. 

“Newton, you sit on the bed. I think the desk chair will help my hip. I can pass you some food and water.” He noticed the mug. “Newton, did you get yourself the black sludge that the kitchen likes to pretend is coffee?” 

“It is coffee. Not very good coffee but it’s got caffeine. Hand it over.” Newton stood to try and take it. Hermann stopped him with a cane to the chest.

“No. You need to sleep and relax for a day or two.” With him preferably. 

“Hermann, give me my coffee.”

“I will not. You need to hydrate, and that sludge will just make you more twitchy and jumpy for several hours.” Newton was glaring at him but he did sit back down. Hermann let out a soft sigh of relief, passing over one of the sandwiches that had been brought back. “Thank you Newton.” He went quiet again, chewing and thinking.

“Hermann? Are we going to talk about what we saw in the Drift?” Newton had to break the silence since Hermann was fine stewing in his own emotional inadequacies instead of trying to discuss it. Hermann looked up, setting the sandwich down to take a drink of water.

“I suppose it would be the smart thing to do,” he said slowly, wondering if he should mention the dreams now. “Do you have something in mind Newton?”

“Yeah, maybe.” He looked down at his lap. Hermann tried to ease the silence with a water bottle passed his way. Newton took it, fiddling with the cap. “You used to have a crush on me?”

Hermann had all the typical feelings that came with realizing you’d been caught. First he went very cold, then his face went hot (though his fingers still felt like ice). All the while, the half a sandwich his stomach felt more and more like an expanding lead ball. “You saw that then?” He hadn’t been entirely certain what Newton had and hadn’t seen, let alone remembered.

“I did.” Newton was reddish too. Was it from the Drift connection that had been prickling with anxiety all day or some other reason? Either reason standing, Hermann barely noticed. “It was a bit of a blur,” he admitted. “But I could feel it. Did you notice anything?”

Hermann nodded, but since they were both staring at their hands it wasn’t actually noticed. When he realized this, he cleared his throat. “Yes, Newton, I did. I haven’t attempted to sort through it all yet. The whole end of the world unless the Breach was closed sort of eclipsed everything else at the time.”

“And then we collapsed and then I had a panic attack, I know. Thank you for reminding me.” Newton sounded a bit irritated. Hermann looked up to catch his face. “It’s not like I’m hyper aware that my mental state is constantly in a flux and that there’s some sort of primal connection that is allowing me to feel the utter shock and embarrassment you’re feeling over me bringing up a crush you had when we were writing. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of freaking out over the abnormalities that are beginning to appear from our Drift. Unless it’s only me, in which case it’s probably linked to the pons I created from what you oh so kindly call – ”

“Trash. Newton, just stop talking for a minute. You’re not breathing.” Hermann could feel the familiar twitch of irritation that signaled they might be returning to normal. However, he could also feel Newton’s stress pick up, his own good leg starting to bounce. “First off, I am feeling it too, the connection that is. So I know you’re really stressed and that’s why I’m bouncing my knee.” He forced it to stop by using both of his hands. “And yes. I had a c-crush on you when we were exchanging correspondence . However, you do not have to worry about it coming back up as any romantic inclinations I had for you were thoroughly crushed when I met you, you reeked of beer and tequila, and you threw up in the pot of a fake plant.”

“I had a drinking problem,” Newton said quietly. Hermann nodded.

“I understand that now. I’ve been in your head too, remember?” He once again waited for Newton to nod before he continued. “You can feel the pain from my hip, can’t you? And that we need to be close?”

“I can,” Newton said, even more softly. “That’s why I asked about the sharing the bed last night, but you were right. Your hip would have been worse if we had attempted it.” 

“I’m aware,” Hermann said dryly, stifling a yawn. “I have dealt with my hip my entire life.”

“I know. I’m trying to be better with the whole thing but I’m really tired. Can I have my coffee?”

“No.” Hermann gestured to the bed. “Go ahead and lie down. I believe I will join you.” 

“But you never sleep in the middle of the day.” Newton watched as Hermann carefully pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to take the inside?”

“I do.” He put his cane within easy reach, slowly pulling his bad leg up and onto the bed, his hands wrapped under his knee to help guide the leg up into place. Newton helped in his own small way, pulling the blanket off the end of the bed up and unfolding it. “Newton, the small pillow is for my hip. Can you?”

“Of course.” Once Hermann was settled, he felt his tiredness wash over him. He listened to Newton shuffling around, the blanket getting tugged on as he settled. The mattress sank as Newton finally chose the middle of the bed, pushing some of the blanket back, for which Hermann was grateful. He turned his head to look at Newton, needing to check on him.

The idiot had left his glasses on. “Newton Geiszler, take those off so they aren’t any more broken than they already are. The war is over. We deserve some rest, some proper rest.” Newton mouthed something, obviously mimicking him, and Hermann let loose a proper slap against the side of his head. That gained him a closed mouth and wide, hurt eyes that he ignored to settle down again. “I will not have you mock me when we are sharing my bed.”

“Sorry.” Hermann wondered what Newton could feel off of Hermann currently. Considering Hermann himself only felt something when Newton was wound up – and to be honest he never seemed not to be – would Newton be picking up on his regret at snapping at Newton again?

The log chopping snoring started up as Hermann attempted to order his emotions like he had ordered his books. He was making himself more tired and frustrated trying to label them, that he didn’t notice the subtle, sleepy shifting Newton had done until he felt a nose and hot breath against his shoulder, an arm around his waist, and one of Newton’s legs bumping against his bad one. Hermann started to shift, to push Newton away and wake him up, let him know that he’s violated Hermann’s personal bubble of space, _again_ , but this time with warm, living limbs instead of blue blood and cold guts. 

But then he stops, looking at Newton. It hurt to think about the past. He had brought it up once, when they were first paired off as heads of the K-Science division. 

_”Sir, I cannot work with that man. This is not a simple refusal. Everything about him repulses me.”_

_Newton had just started getting his tattoos, starting with Yamarashi on his arm. He took great pride in showing it off, even with it only half colored. Hermann didn’t care that he was talking to the Marshal in front of the entire lab. He had immediately gone white at seeing his old crush._

_“You don’t have a choice Doctor Gottlieb. You can either work with Doctor Geiszler or you can leave.”_

At least Newton had sobered up to work with the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Hermann thought. Though if it was the lack of alcohol around inside or the shorter man’s self-control he was unsure. Hermann listened to his breathing for awhile longer, using the noise to tune out his unordered, messy feelings for the time being.

 _Maybe this is why he never sleeps._ Hermann is interrupted from a new rabbit hole by an especially loud snort from Newton, followed by that nose in his shoulder squishing against him more strongly as Newton burrowed, searching for warmth. Hermann hissed as his leg got jostled, but then the hand around his arm shifted, fingers digging in just below his rib cage, and he relaxed again. He felt for the hand on his ribs, turning his head slightly to get a noseful of thick, somewhat oily brown hair. 

Newton was warm, and his somewhat pudgy, short body would yield just enough to make Hermann’s bony limbs comfortable if he wouldn’t be forced to put weight on his bad leg and hip to turn on his side. But even this was more than he was used to, strict as he has always been about personal space. 

Hermann fell asleep replaying the day’s conversations and smirking when he remembered telling Newton he was good at interacting with people. How Newton hadn’t seen through that lie was beyond him.

Then again, maybe he had. Newton was evidently a master of hiding things. The thought left him with an uneasy feeling as he fell asleep.


	4. Family

_The bad room was full of broken things. Bottles, cans, used jars of glue, a chair he had brought up in pieces, put together clumsily, and smashed. The dust and dirt was so thick and congealed with alcohol and oil that walking did not disturb it._

_There was a hole in the wall from one of his panic attacks. There had been cats in Dee’s apartment. There were cats outside his apartment all the time. It made sense that there would be cats in the bad room too._

_The bad room was safe. No one could get him here. Frank had stumbled across here once, but that was an accident. He was pretty certain Frank would never come back either._

_The Waitress had been rude to him again. He had tried. He put on an accent, made himself posh, straightened up. He even cleaned himself up after Charlie Work. It was because he was stupid, wasn’t it? He was stupid, even though he tried. He’d written a musical for her. He’d written a song. A good song. His friends liked it._

_What if he could be smart again? That scientist guy had said the pills he’d been taking hadn’t actually been making him smarter, but what if he had something that could? He could talk to him, get put on the real stuff, right? Then he would go to the Waitress and show that he could be a better person. He smiled, thinking of the piece of broken green glass in his pocket. His back pocket. He’d make the Waitress like him._

Hermann woke up with a bad taste in his mouth and an arm draped over his side. He had managed to roll onto his side during their nap and Newton had followed him, clinging. Hermann rubbed his eyes, waking slowly.

He’d been dreaming of a small, dark room with rats that smelled like piss and stale beer and some women with no name. If his dreams were going to continue to be muddled memories of Newton’s, he was fairly certain he’d go insane. He didn’t particularly want to be constantly reminded that Newton had apparently lied to him from the beginning. But he didn’t have all the facts, and Hermann was loath to act without more information. Plus, Newton was warm. He twisted his head slightly, just able to see a bit of reddish-brown hair. It took a bit of twisting before he could see anything else, and that was mostly blurry thanks to his inability to see close up.

His hip protested the movement, but Hermann ignored it for now, easing weight onto it as he turned to slightly face Newton. The biologist grumbled, his breathing changing pitch until Hermann was done moving them about. Then he latched onto Hermann again, nose digging into Hermann’s cheek. Hermann pushed his face away, not quite willing to be that close.

Newt shoved back but relaxed against Hermann’s pillow instead, snore a bit muffled by the fabric. Hermann watched him sleep, willing his brain to just not think for a bit. It wasn’t working. He was obsessing over the dreams he was having, Newton’s memories of his past, his mind automatically going over any probable explanation, putting things on a timeline and subtracting what he knew had to be fact. 

All the meanwhile, he watched Newton sleep, eventually freeing an arm (Newton still had an arm over Hermann) to push the hair out of Newton’s eyes. There were bags under his eyes, a lot deeper than he thought they would be. Then again, his insomnia was pretty bad, especially when combined with his coffee and energy drink mixture. Hermann stroked his hair a little, fascinated by the texture. It didn’t seem to have any of his usual hair gel in it. It was just sticking up on its own somehow.

Newton nudged against his hand softly. He is hot. Not in a “I’m going to climb that like a tree” sort of way – Hermann acknowledged that something was seriously wrong with his brain because he never desired sex or had fantasies of it. No, Newton was a small, pudgy, shouty mess of a man who sometimes neglected personal hygiene and stank like, well, like a biology lab and rotten eggs and coffee. 

Hermann jerked himself from his thoughts. He had gotten distracted from his original desire to see…what was his original thought? Newton was warm to touch. Was it a fever? Newton was waking up. He drew his hand away, shifting to lay on his back.

“Herms?”

“Newton, that is not my name.”

Newton sighed, sitting up to stretch and yawn. “Do you have to start immediately? I just woke up.”

“You just called me Herms when I’ve asked you on multiple occasion – ”

“It’s a nickname, I don’t see what can poss – ”

“My name is literally two sylla – ” There was a knock on the door, making them both fall quiet and look at each other and back to the door. Newton helped Hermann sit up before going to look through the peephole. He threw open the door with a grin, hugging and pulling in the person on the other side.

“Miss Mori!” Hermann forced himself up to join the hug. Where Mako Mori was concerned, Newton and Hermann both agreed: she was important. Easily one of the most important people in both of their lives.

Mako extended the hug to Hermann as well, smiling. She was just barely smaller than Newton, but she was strong enough to hold all three of them steady. “Hello Doctor Gottlieb. How are you and Newt feeling?”

“We’re great seeing you!” Newton was loud again, and as the scientists pulled away, he pushed Mako to sit down. She looked tired, paler than normal, with lines under her eyes. She was trying to smile, but if Hermann noticed the pain, she wasn’t doing a very good job. Hermann grabbed his cane to knock against Newton’s knee. “Ow, Hermann what’re you – ”

“Sit.” The cane could be very handy to help manhandle the biologist. “You’re straining yourself.”

“I am not. Mako is – ”

“I’m certain Miss Mori understands.” He smiled at her softly as she nodded. “Your eye is still bloodshot, you’re shaking – ”

“That’s because you took my coffee away you pompous jerk.”

Hermann sighed. “Newton, sit down, please. I’m going to sit too. My leg hurts.” That made Newton shut up and sit, for which Hermann was grateful. He didn’t often pull the pain card, but he wanted to focus on Mako. He sat next to Newton, taking his hand. Newton tangled their fingers together, relaxing against him. Mako noticed, smiling slightly.

“I heard what you two did to get that information. I cannot thank you enough for the risks you took,” she said, head dipping lightly.

“Hey, Mako, don’t worry about it. We were just trying to help. You and that pissy guy did the heavy lifting.” Newton was smiling, pushing his sleeves up, posturing. Hermann sent him a sour look before taking over the conversation.

“I’m very sorry for your loss Miss Mori. The Marshal was a good man,” he said quietly. She gave him a grateful look, her mask starting to crack. 

“He said I can always find him in the Drift.” Newton was smart enough to keep quiet, taking Hermann’s hand again. Alost simultaneously they reached out to take one of Mako’s hands, creating a triangle. It was quiet for a moment as Mako calmed herself.

“Raleigh is with Her – with Marshal Hansen. The Marshal is asking to see you two when you feel up to it. Doctor Gottlieb, I heard you hurt yourself last night?”

“An aftereffect of drifting with this moron and a dead Kaiju while operating off of little sleep.” Hermann gave her hand a little reassuring squeeze before releasing her hand. Newton was glaring at him now. Doubtless, he was working hard not to start yelling about the moron comment, to keep things focused on Mako.

“Tell Marshal Hansen that we will see him in the morning,” Newton added. “If you see him again that is.”

“How is it going with your new Drift partner?” Hermann asked. “Any odd side effects?”

“Now that we haven’t chased the RABIT we’re doing okay.” Mako gave a small smile. “Raleigh is a kind man. A bit protective, but a good partner.”

“He worships the ground you walk on Mako,” Newt pointed out. “Are you two – ”

Mako shook her head. “No, at least not right now. His last Drift partner was his brother, and I can promise you he has had no incestuous thoughts before. And I’ve been so focused on avenging my parents and working on Danger that I’ve not thought of…after.” 

Newton froze at the mention of the future, and Hermann felt the prickles of panic again. He was going to speak with Newton later about his dosage. For now, he pulled their hands apart, touching Newton’s knee instead. That made him jump slightly, before glancing at Hermann and nodding slightly. 

_No point in worrying about the future,_ Hermann thought as hard as he could. Even though their connection thus far communicated only pain and strong emotions, he hoped Newton could sense what Hermann was thinking. Depending on hope made him feel unsettled, so he focused on the conversation again.

“–n’t really know what we’re going to do either,” Newton was saying. “I’m thinking about continuing my research with the samples we have for the time being. Hermann thinks we’ll be able to get a job pretty much anywhere if we choose not to stay with the PPDC or it shuts down.”

“It’s good that you’re developing a plan Newt. And you as well Dr. Gottlieb. I would hate for you two to get left out in the cold.” Mako sighed, looking away. Hermann was struck again by how small she was. While not a twig like him, she was young. But he knew she was by no means innocent. Mako had already told them how she had come to be adopted by Marshal Pentecost. 

Still, without her armor, she looked so frail.

“We wouldn’t want to leave you ought either Mako,” Newton said with a grin. “We’ll make Grouchy Pants here buy a mansion so you, Beckett, Tendo and his family, and everyone else can live together.” 

“I have a name Newton.” 

“I know that Hermil Gerbil.”

“H-Hermil what?” The splutter of outrage was quite real, making Mako laugh, even if she hid it behind a hand politely.

Newton smirked, eyes narrowing from the width of his grin. “You heard me. Hermil. Gerbil.”

Hermann made a disgusted noise. “You are asking to be killed,” he said disdainfully, pointedly pulling away, chin lifted slightly. “Though, he does have a point Miss Mori. You will always be welcome in my home, wherever it may lie.”

“Thank you Doctor Gottlieb.” She stood, moving to bow again, pausing when she caught sight of something on his bookshelf. Her hand darted out, impressing both scientists with her reflexes once again. “You still have this?” It was a piece of notebook paper, clumsily folded into a simple paper crane. The wing was bent, the beak a bit wonky. 

Hermann reached for his cane, forcing himself up and taking the crane carefully, setting it back to a tiny action figure of an Eva that he used as a bookstop. “It’s very important,” he explained. ”Someone special made it for me.”

Mako smiled, hugging him again, kissing his cheek. That made him blush slightly, though he felt warm all over. “Hey, no fair Mako. I want a kiss from a pretty woman like you too.”

Mako laughed again, obliging, and that warmed Hermann’s heart to hear. If she could still laugh after all she’d been through, she would heal. Beckett would be a good person to support her. He was a bit of a dunce, but ultimately he seemed to care for the woman just as much as the scientists.

“I’ll look for you two at dinner tomorrow,” Mako promised as she left. Hermann lifted a hand to wave.

“See ya Mako. Get some rest, okay?” The door shut behind her, and Newton turned to look at Hermann. “You okay dude?”

“You called me Hermil Gerbil. What do you think?” He picked his cane up, whacking Newton with the handle.

“Ow. You socially stunted old prune, you realize there’s other ways of communication besides sharp words and beating me with your cane. You’re doing that more than usual anyway. Are you sure you’re okay?” Newton cowered behind his hands until he was certain he wasn’t going to be hit anymore. When Hermann sighed he lowered his arms, watching the mathematician cautiously. 

“Sometimes I wish I could get that giant mansion for us all to live in.” He lowered his cane, gripping the handle tightly. He couldn’t say the next part out loud, looking away, towards the crumpled notebook crane. Newton didn’t seem to need an explanation. He took Hermann’s free hand, squeezing it tightly. 

They’d been in each others’ minds. They knew that the Shatterdome, the PPDC, and the people in it were more their family than the people they had grown up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some internalized acephobia within this chapter. If you picked up on it, good on you. It will come up again. If you haven't, well, it comes up again. I thought I would add a quick disclaimer saying this isn't me being insensitive as I am asexual myself.


	5. Under Control

_”Aw shit, no! Sweet Dee, Mac!” The yells were coming from downstairs, but he didn’t move. His head hurt more than usual. The scientist guy, Doctor Ricardo, said not to drink or huff while in his care, but the urge was just so strong. He had had one little beer and maybe, just maybe had opened a bottle of rubber cement. Now his head was killing him._

_Dee’s screams were too much. He threw the bottle at the wall, but his aim was off and he was weak. He missed the hole he’d been steadily picking at, the bottle falling to the floor, cracked, not smashed. No one would think to look for him. Especially not here._

_“Dee, shuddup, we’re trying to hear.”_

_“What is that thing?”_

_“Dee, shut up you stupid bird!”_

_They had no idea how the vents carried their conversation. He did though. He knew a lot of things now. The bad room was his hiding place for more than just himself now. He had books, a lot of books, and a flashlight that was almost dead. The doc told him he’d been accepted to MIT on an advanced course._

_His head hurt so much._

There were so many lights.

Hermann held himself stiffly, trying not to lash out at the people hovering. There was a make up artist, trying to lessen the lines accumulated from stress and working late, a woman explaining what was going to happen. Interns ran back and forth like they were chickens with their heads cut off. Hansen, Beckett, Mako, and Newton were all dotted about in various places in identical chairs.

“Please, I will not wear my glasses. Could you please stop hovering over me? You aren’t going to make me look any better than I am.” He was grateful when the makeup artist backed off, grabbing his cane to limp over to Newton. He could feel the stabs of anxiety coming from the man clearer than his own. That strange connection hadn’t disappeared, just faded somewhat. He set a hand on Newton’s shoulder, calming his frantic flailing.

“And then I said – oh, hi Hermann.” Newton looked up, smiling nervously before looking at the person who’d been cornered to listen to him. “I’m okay now, but really, I need my glasses to see. I’m near-sighted, like I said, so I can’t see far away. Actually, it’s called myopia, but people have trouble remembering technical terms for such things, and it’s a lot easier to say what you can see anyway, right dude? Anyway, myopia is caused by one of two things typically. Your cornea can be like way curved, too much so that light doesn’t ref – ”

“Newton, I don’t think this man wants a lesson in ophthalmology right now. Sir, I’d leave now if you don’t want the conversation to become a lesson in Kaiju biology.” The makeup artist nodded, smiling gratefully before he walked off, returning to grab his supplies.

“Geeze Herms, you’re a buzzkill. Ready to go in front of the lights?” His leg was bouncing manically. Hermann leaned over to force his knee down. 

“I’m not, but I will live. They will want to talk more to the pilots than us anyway.” It’d been three months since the Breach had been closed, and the third interview in as many weeks. They had waited until Newton no longer looked like he had tried poking out one of his eyes. There was still a reddish ring around the iris, but it was almost entirely unnoticeable under the thick lenses of his cheap black glasses. His shirt was shockingly white today. In fact, everything about him was clean. Hermann and Hansen had made sure of it.

“You’re right. We’re not really rock stars, are we?” Newton slumped in his chair, glancing at Mako. She was teasing Beckett as the tall man tried to protest the bit of foundation that was being put on him. 

“We are. We’re just the back up, according to the rest of the world.” Hermann squeezed Newton’s shoulder before dropping his hand. “Still, we know why the Breach was closed.”

“Right.” Newton looked up at Hermann and smiled. Hermann scowled, looking away before he could blush. He kept his feelings for Newton carefully labeled. A heavy dose of tolerance, a touch of irritation, and a surprising amount of affection, sprinkled with a variety of other things that he struggled to keep under wraps. Newton didn’t seem to really notice. They had reverted back to yelling across the lab over Newton’s music during the day, even though there wasn’t as much pressure anymore. And sometimes Newton relented and let Hermann pick the music. Or Mako would sit in during a break from her new training program and make them listen to jazz. If Beckett came with her, it was classic rock, and Hermann found himself wanting to strangle both pilot and biologist as they attempted to riff on air guitars. 

The nights were different. Newton had nightmares of his dual near deaths, and Hermann still had nearly nightly dreams of Newton’s memories. Even though Newton moved to be closer to Hermann’s room, they still abhorred the distance from each other and often spent the night together in one of their beds. Newton liked to help with Hermann’s leg, and Hermann tried to get Newton to drink more tea and less coffee. Only one of these things had changed.

“Okay, everyone come to the stage. The show will start in five. Doctors Gottlieb and Geiszler, this way.”

“Call me Newt!” Hermann rolled his eyes but followed, stomping after him easily. His leg was feeling pretty good lately. He didn’t have to climb up and down his ladder anymore as he’d been given extra room. Newton had also gotten pretty attuned to when he was pushing his limits, and forced him to go to bed. “This is Doctor Gottlieb.”

Hermann smiled, grateful for the small gesture. The TV crew hadn’t been told about the scientists’ need to stay close and thus they were separated, put at either end of a long couch with Mako next to Newton and Beckett next to Hermann. Hansen was central in the couch, his short hair more silver than red now. Hermann saw Mako take Newton’s hand, feeling a flood of gratefulness that was more than just his own. Hermann tried to relax, but the cushion was too long for him to lean back without his knee hitching up awkwardly. 

“Doctor Gottlieb,” Beckett said softly. “Your knee is shaking the entire couch. Could you stop?”

He looked down. His good leg was jittering anxiously. He sighed, pushing it down with a hand. “I’m sorry. Nerves.”

“Understandable. Yancy used to do the same thing.” The pilot gave Hermann a reassuring smile before focusing again. The hosts were sitting down now, going over their notes one last time. The woman kept looking at Beckett. Hermann saw her glance at himself and frowned, making a face before looking to the cameras. Had Newton taken his medicine today? The anxiety from the other man was making him want to bounce his leg again, but he focused carefully. Mako was still holding Newton’s hand.

“Five, four, three…” A green light flashed and Hermann could almost feel both himself and Newton tense.

“Hi, and welcome to – ”

They could do this, Hermann thought, swallowing.

“So, Marshal, what happened the night your son and Marshal Pentecost died?”

“Doctor Gottlieb, how did your formula for predicting attacks work?”

“Do you think the toxic effects of Kaiju blue will ever fade from the environment? Or will these become dead zones?”

The questions seemed to go on forever. The lights were hot, Hermann’s sweater just a touch too tight and thick. His knee start bouncing a few times towards the end, but Beckett would stop him with a nudge. 

“Is the PPDC going to be shut down when research and defense has slowed?”

Hansen swallowed, leaning forward. Hermann knew that they were all listening: the newspeople, the people sitting next to the Marshal, the world. If the jaegers were decommissioned or released to world governments…who knew what would happen?

“I’m not authorized to release that information at the time. But, I can say that the PPDC currently has plans to remain operational for the time being. And that means we will not be under any one government.”

“Is it true you are rebuilding the jaegers?”

And just like that, the question was gone, the future of a small thousand still undecided, still safe for the time being. Hermann noticed Newton’s leg bouncing, then Mako’s hand going to his knee to still it. Newton leaned into Mako slightly, relaxing, then met Hermann’s eyes, giving the smallest hint of a smile.

They made it back to the Shatterdome without incident. Newton and Hermann clung to each other, chatting softly in German about the stupidity of the newscasters and people’s general misconception on how the apocalypse was averted. Mako was trying to tease Hansen and Beckett about their makeup, both men found to be completely unfunny. Hermann ended up conking out, using Newton’s shoulder as a pillow. For once he didn’t dream of anything.


	6. Runaway

_”Hermann, you can never become an astronaut.”_

_The diagnosis had been shocking, or it would’ve been if he had been able to comprehend it. His leg hurt so much. He bucked in his bed and screamed, throat raw. The pain had been something new, something he wasn’t used to. His father hated him for the screaming._

_Hermann soon learned to hide the bad days. He was given a brace for his leg, medicine to take to slow the disease, a cane to help take his weight. His desk chair was swapped with something more comfortable, but he hardly used it, preferring to hide._

_He hid at school, too far ahead to make friends in his class, using the whiteboard and a college textbook to solve and make up equations and solve them again._

_“You can never become an astronaut. Give up this foolish dream now.”_

_His telescope was folded up, curtains drawn. He shoved his favorite books away in a box, having his brother hide it in the attic. But Lars never saw his tears. He only saw his crippled son taking on the burden of being a Gottlieb._

Paper cranes were everywhere. It was Newton’s fault. He had ordered paper online and started folding. Hermann had joined in for awhile, and Mako. Even Becket took part, though he was only allowed to work with large sheets after he tore a few of the smaller ones apart. Hermann soon quit when he realized it was Newton’s new obsession. 

“At least you’re not drinking as much coffee,” Hermann mumbled to himself, absently drumming his pen against his desk to the sound of Mozart’s “Lacrimosa”. Newt was attempting to create Trespasser figure out of his paper and failing, putting off some of the inevitable paperwork he had piled haphazardly on his desk. 

“What was that Herms?” Newton looked up, turning the music down.

“Must I ask again for you to not call me that?” Hermann looked up, looking over the top of his glasses. “I was just commenting on you lowered intake of caffeine,” he said with a small smile. It was a slight quirk of his lips, but Newton saw and grinned, going to sit on the edge of Hermann’s desk. Some papers were shoved out of the way to make space, but Hermann tolerated it. Newton was happy. That made him happy.

“I’ve only ‘lowered my intake of caffeine’ because you’ve been stealing my coffee for five months now.”

“Only five months have passed? It feels longer.” Hermann looked down, pretending to focus on his numbers, but he felt Newton staring at him. It was distracting. Newton was distracting. The hand ruffling his hair was even more distracting. “Newton, stop.” He smacked lightly at his hand, glancing up at Newton with a frown. Newton just shook his head, pointing at the glasses now dangling from Hermann’s neck. They’d fallen off his nose, caught by the chain and he hadn’t bothered to put them back on.

“You can’t do paperwork without those on. So you’re just pretending to do paperwork so you don’t have to look at me. What’s wrong? Am I too handsome for mere mortal eyes?”

That made him flush and he jerked his glasses back up, looking away again. “Don’t be ridiculous Newton. You are as irritating and as big a slob as ever.” 

“Aw come on, I’m not that big of a slob, am I?”

“You have Kaiju blue on your shirt.” He didn’t look up, not wanting to risk betraying his feelings. Hermann was always slow on the uptake, especially when it came to his own emotions. So, it had taken him five months to realize something.

He was lying. It had taken much, much longer than that. 

“Oh, hey, what do you know. That’s weird.” Newton scratched at his shirt with some irritation. Hermann felt the irritation run through their connection. It was still there, strong as ever. Hermann wasn’t sure if the need to be close to the irritating little biologist was leftover from the Drift or something he refused to name. “I didn’t even mess with my guts today.”

“You were supposed to be doing your paperwork for a new grant,” Hermann pointed out, gaining a childish pout from Newton.

“Well, forgive me for wanting to make you something,” Newton said, getting up with his chin tilted high. He was in the process of walking away when one of the new J-techs walked up. “Excuse me. Doctor Geiszler. Doctor Gottlieb? The Marshal wishes to see you both in LOCCENT.” 

“LOCCENT?” Newton repeated, frowning to himself. Hermann stood slowly, reaching for his cane as he did so. 

“Thank you Benjamin. We will be there shortly. Can you tell the Marshal that?” 

“Of course sir. Doctor. Sir.” Benjamin hurried off, a bit flustered, as Hermann reached Newton.

“Newton,” he said softly, reaching to take his hand. Newton didn’t notice, and when Hermann brushed his fingers over the back of his hand, he could feel the trembling. “Newton, there’s no truth to the rumors. You know that.”

“How are you so sure?” Newton jerkily turned to look at him, lips pressed together so tightly it was hard to see them through the scruff he was attempting to pass off as beard. 

“I’m not,” Hermann admitted, shoving Newton’s hair back lightly. “I am certain you need a haircut though.”

“Now isn’t the time for jokes.” He pushed Hermann’s hand away before changing his mind, grabbing at it. “What if – ”

“No what ifs Newton. Let’s focus on the here and now.” Hermann started walking, dragging Newton along behind. If he let Newton stew too long, he would start panicking and it would take forever to calm him down again.

“Hermann.”

“Is this about the rumors?”

“Yes.”

“Stop thinking about it Newton.” 

“Can I change my shirt at least?”

“When did you start caring about your appearance?” He glanced at Newton, who looked caught in a plan of escape.

“You like me to look nice,” he tried.

“With the media roving about, it’s important that you don’t look like you’ve been running in the sewers all day,” he said, not thinking as he spoke. 

“What?” The tone changed from cautious to sharp. Hermann’s eyes widened. He still hadn’t told Newton about his dreams. He certainly didn’t want to admit that he had had a dream about Newton fighting against a flood of sewage for a half eaten orange. 

“It was just the most disgusting thing I could think of at this time,” he said quickly, looking away. He was a terrible liar, but the reassuring squeeze of his hand made him relax until he remembered the connection went both ways and what if it told when they were lying too?

“Don’t be nervous,” Newton said. “You just reminded me of something is all.” He kept pace with Hermann, their hands loosely clasped. When they passed the mess hall they could see some of the new recruits talking and eating. There were even some scientists going over the basics of drifting before they were assigned to the K-science unit under the older pair.

“I’m not nervous,” Hermann said sharply, hitting Newton with their entwined hands. “You’re nerves are affecting me and getting fed back to you.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I’m sorry.” Newton smiled. “Things will be fine.” The question was unspoken but they could be feel it between them.

Marshal Hansen was looking over someone’s shoulder, talking softly about some modifications to the design of an updated jaeger. When he heard the clip of Hermann’s cane, he turned. His face could have been carved from stone for all that Hermann could read from it.

“Gottlieb, Geiszler. Thank you for being so quick. Follow me.” They agreed, following as quickly and silently as someone with a cane could. Hermann could fill his leg starting to stiffen when they went outside.

They were headed to the tower.

“Marshal, what’s going on?” Hermann asked. Newton was starting to tremble again. Since it was the middle of summer it was warm, muggy like it was about to rain. The tower still reeked of cigarettes and possibly pot. Hermann wasn’t sure; he’d never been allowed near it when he was younger and had no interest when he was older.

Hansen remained quiet for awhile longer, staring out the broken window. He turned finally, glass crunching under his feet. “We’re having to close down the PPDC.”

“What?” It was all Newton managed before the fear overwhelmed the connection. While Newton remained still, Hermann stumbled, leaning more heavily on his cane. Both Hermann and Newton stared at Hansen with open shock.

“Marshal, there must be some mistake…”

“There is no mistake Hermann.” The use of his first name made him blink. Hansen’s face softened, worry dramatizing the wear he had taken on since becoming Marshal. “I’ve tried my damndest to keep the jaegers and their pilots, to keep you two, out of government hands. The last thing we need is for them to be turned into weapons of war between _humans_.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Pentecost would know what to do,” he said quietly. “He had been planning for the end since he took over teaching at Anchorage. I shouldn’t have taken on his role.”

“You’re doing the best you can given the circumstances sir,” Hermann said. He was already planning, or trying to at least. It was hard to think past the emotional pain coming through from Newton. He glanced to his left. At least Newton’s mouth wasn’t hanging open. “Do you know when we will be shutting down?”

Hansen shook his head, face hardening again. “Nothing precise just yet. A few months at the earliest. Don’t worry Hermann…Newt. We’ll make sure that you two are kept safe. You’ve heard Hannibal Chau is operating again?”

Hermann nodded. “We have. It took Becket and Miss Mori to hold Newton back from visiting to try and get a skin louse.”

Hansen had to at least crack a smile at that. “Well, we thought it would be best to move you two to universities of your choice. You will be able to have some guard detail if you’d like.”

Hermann noticed Newton was starting to shake harder now and decided to cut the conversation short. “Thank you Marshal. We will have to make a few calls, but it shouldn’t be a problem finding a university to accept us both. May we get back to you in a couple of days?”

“Of course Doctor. I understand. So long as you keep the information between yourselves.”

“Of course.” Hermann couldn’t manage a smile. “It would be wrong to cause a panic too early. Newton, come on.” He moved Newton gently towards the steps. It made sense that they had been taken out here, away from people, cameras, and media. It was just a bit of a pain that he had to go down those steps so soon after climbing up them.

“One last thing Hermann. You and Newton will not be allowed to stay together. It’s too risky for the two people with the most knowledge of the Breach, it’s technology, and Kaiju biology to be together. In addition, you’ve both drifted with the Kaiju, and if someone did choose to go after you, they would most likely torture information out of you. I know Geiszler has nightmares about what he saw in his Drifts. It’s simply not safe.” 

Hermann didn’t visibly freeze, even though his cane and Newton’s hand felt like dead weight in his hands. He took a slow, heavy step, a buzzing in his ears. The buzzing continued to grow louder. 

It felt a lot like he was screaming in his head.

“Doctor Gottlieb?” Hansen’s voice was coming through a long tunnel.

“Hermann!” Was that Newton? He felt himself fall but not the landing.

_”Hermann!”_

_He hadn’t seen the curmudgeonly mathematician fall. His head had been neck deep in a full Kaiju heart, looking for a good sample to take. But he had heard the fall and the sudden rush of angry German over his music._

_“Get away you damnable idiot.” Hermann slapped at his shins when he came over to try and help him up. “I can take care of myself Doctor Geiszler.”_

_“Are you sure? Why did you fall?” Hermann looked away from him, angry spots of color appearing on his cheeks. It was cute, in its own way. Hermann tried to grab at the ladder, a cry of pain accompanying his slight lift. He sat there, stewing as the tape finished playing, clicking in the background._

_“Help me,” he said softly, hiding his face. He only barely heard, but he immediately bent, offering his arm._

_“Grab. I’ll get you upright, then we can get you to your room. Use one of the desk chairs as a wheelchair.”_

_“That won’t work. The floor is too porous.” He nodded, still waiting for his arm to be grabbed._

_“I’ll give you a piggy back ride then. Just to your room and your meds.”_

_“This is humiliating.” Hermann took his arm, and he stood, dragging the skinny man up. Hermann gritted his teeth, not letting out another sound. Instead, he wobbled on his good leg, holding onto his grubby shirt as he collected the cane, frowning softly at the broken pieces before dropping it._

_“Wrap your arms around my neck. I’ll get you there lickedy split. Just…don’t choke me, please. I know you want to, but don’t.”_

_Hermann attempted a weak laugh at his joke before obliging. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and the shorter man bent, just lifting Hermann’s feet off the ground._

_It took them about twenty minutes to walk to Hermann’s room, and he had to leave the man by the door as he ran to get the keys. He came back breathless, but was more than happy to help Hermann in._

_“Doctor Geiszler…I hate to ask this…”_

_“Herms, I just carried you all the way to your room. I’m not going to abandon you on the doorstep.”_

_“Don’t call me Herms.” He rolled his eyes but kept quiet, leaving the teasing for a day Hermann didn’t look ready to fall over. In fact, he was shutting the door when Hermann let out a hiss of pain._

_“Dude, you okay?”_

_“Muscle spasms. Can you shut the door please? This is humiliating.” He obeyed, not arguing, merely going to sit next to Hermann, starting to worry. “Can you help me…undress? I need to put my heating pad on the muscle to ease the spasms but…ah…” He stopped again, squeezing his thigh tightly like that would make it stop._

_“Of…of course.” He watched Hermann as he slowly eased himself onto the bed, bracing with his good leg to lift his hips. With Newton’s help, he got out of his trousers, though they had both neglected to pull off his shoes to begin with and had to pause for that._

_The leg was obviously atrophied, thinner and lightly scarred from some failed surgery. He felt his face twist with sympathy, then saw Hermann was watching him, his own face full of anger. But at whom? Then Hermann started to cry and he had no idea what to do._

_“My pills.” Hermann was pointing to the bathroom. He stood quickly, barely noticing the yellow poster above the desk as he started looking for pain medication. There was a moment’s pause as he read the script, a moment of temptation, then he was turning back, spinning when he remembered Hermann couldn’t dry swallow._

_The heating pad was in a dresser drawer as meticulously organized as Hermann’s desk. That went over the thigh and he helped him sit up to take a sip of water. When Hermann was lying down again, he pulled a blanket up, protecting his own modesty for the time being. The biologist sat in the desk chair, not willing to move._

_“You don’t have to stay.”_

_“I’m not going.”_

_There was another long moment of silence. “Are you wondering what it is?”_

_“Kind of. But I figured you would tell me if you wanted to and that you didn’t want to.”_

_Hermann looked away, closing his eyes. “Multiple sclerosis. I was diagnosed as a kid.”_

_“That sucks man.”_

_“My dad told me…” Hermann went quiet for a long time. He didn’t try and goad him into speaking. “I can never become an astronaut.”_

_“Bullshit dude.”_

_“Bull – ”_

_“When this is all over, you’re gonna be a rock star man, just like me. They’ll have to let you go up.”_

_Hermann stared at him for a few minutes, making sure he wasn’t joking. When he proved to be serious, Hermann started to laugh, leaning back, a hand covering part of his face._

_“What? I was being serious.”_

_“I know you are. I just never thought of it that way.” The laughter continued, and he grinned._

_“You’re too logical to think of something like that. You depend too much on the facts.”_

_“Maybe I do Newton. Maybe I do.”_

_“Hey, you called me Newton!”_

_“So?” Hermann’s smile vanished but he wouldn’t let it go._

_“I’ll be having you call me Newt next!”_

_“I’m not calling you an aquatic amphibian.”_

_“Sure you won’t Herms.”_

_“If you don’t shut up I will throw my pillow at you.”_

_“No you won’t, Hermy.”_

_The pillow in the face was worth it._

Hermann woke in pain. Not the usual, suffocating or sharp lancing pain from his leg but a dull, stabbing feeling in his rib cage instead. He could hear beeping again. The med unit? 

He had to work to crack his eyes, both eyelids and lips dry. “Hello?” he called, voice cracking as well.

There was no answer. It would take a couple hours for an m-tech to arrive to check his bandages. “Doctor Gottlieb, you fainted and fell down the stairs of the tower. It’s been suggested that some shock got through both your and Doctor Geiszler and you had a sudden muscle spasm. The combination meant you lost your balance. You bruised your ribs mostly. One’s broken. And your left arm is broken as well. You’re lucky you weren’t more injured.”

“Where’s…Newton?” He was fine with the physical pain, used to it even. “How long?” The m-tech nurse stopped, flinching, before she turned to look at Hermann. Her eyes told the truth before she spoke.

“It’s been three days. Your body doesn’t handle shock well. And…Doctor Geiszler is gone.”

Hermann slumped back in his bed, feeling like the air had been let out of his lungs.


	7. Hannibal Chau

“Where is he?” Hermann had forced himself out of bed and hobbled his way towards LOCCENT. He was lucky enough to run into Hansen and Becket after only three falls. “Why didn’t you stop him? Where did he go!” 

“Hermann, you need to calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself more.” Becket noticed Hermann was ready to fall and quickly moved to grab him before his knee gave out. Hermann let out a pained grunt when his broken arm was grabbed, but he straightened to limp towards Hansen. 

“Why didn’t you stop him? You know he’s unstable – you know he is reliant on this place as his home. And you let him run!” Hermann’s anger quickly drained, and he slumped back against Becket, breathing hard. His ribs hurt. His leg and hip hurt. Everything hurt, including his heart. It felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

“Raleigh, take Hermann back to the med unit and have him watched. We don’t need him to run too.”

“Yes sir.” Becket ended up simply lifting Hermann off the ground, deciding that was easier than making him walk. Hermann grunted his hip gave an unhappy grinding noise. If anything else was wrong with him now he would…

He still couldn’t breath. “Where…where is he?” he asked again, and to his horror he was crying. He hadn’t cried since the afternoon Newton had helped him after an attack left him on the floor with a broken cane, about as capable of moving as a turtle on its back. “Where is Newt?”

“We don’t know Doctor Gottlieb.” Becket was trying hard not to look at him, face drawn tight with his own brand of worry. “Herc…Marshal Hansen has sent some people looking, but there’s been no luck.”

“Chau?”

“Not talking.”

“I need…need to see him...ask…Newt would go there first.” He attempted to struggle free. “Please, Raleigh. Let me go.” 

“No.”

“”Becket!”

“No.” When Hermann squirmed more, Becket squeezed him until he stopped attempting to break free. “You are going to rest, and we will find him, and you can go back to yelling at him while on top of your ladder.”

Hermann didn’t reply. He felt cold inside. He did react when he was put back in bed, trying to sit up, but this time a guard had followed. Hermann felt cold steel against his wrist and looked at the handcuff attaching him to the bed.

“It’s just until you’re better Doctor Gottlieb,” Becket said quietly. He turned when they heard running from down the hall. Mako appeared, glancing from Becket to Hermann to the handcuffs.

“Doctor Gottlieb. I heard you were awake. Why did you go running after the Marshal?” She stood next to her Drift partner, arms wrapped around her stomach as she watched him. The pinched look in her face betrayed her own concern.

“Newton’s gone. No one even stopped him from leaving.” He slumped into his bed, rubbing his face as the threat of tears made his eyes sting. “He’s gone,” he repeated, sounding lost.

He was surprised when Mako hugged him, gingerly hugging her back with his broken arm. “I’m sorry he’s gone,” she said softly, squeezing. His ribs screamed in protest, but he kept his pain behind clenched teeth, giving a small smile of thanks.

“Please, look for him. This is his home. I have to watch for him. He panics easily. What if he goes back…” The m-tech nurse was reinserting his IV, pumping him full of sedatives. “He can’t go back to those idiots. They abused him.”

“Idiots?” The jaeger pilots shared a confused look, but Hermann was already asleep, crying again, his cheeks shiny and wet.

_The worst memories stayed down when he was drunk or high, preferably both. It was when he was sober that it was bad._

_It was bad now._

_“Please, just a little bottle. It’ll only cost a few bucks. Please Dennis.”_

_“Go away Charlie. Don’t you have some rats or a urinal or something to take care of?”_

_“Charlie, get out!” Admittedly, he shouldn’t have gone into Sweet Dee’s apartment, even though the door was open. He didn’t realize that she would be with a guy. It was like walking in on a sister dressing. He had to go back to the bad room to smash a few bottles and try to hide the memory under a deep layer of booze._

_“Here, if you help me bang tonight I’ll get you some rubber cement and cat food.”_

_He could always depend on Frank for help. Well, usually. Sometimes. Once in a blue moon. He actually didn’t know how often Frank helped him and how often he got locked out of the apartment in the cold._

It took a week before anyone would let Hermann out of the med unit with a soft cast over his arm. It had been pinned and plated, so it was essentially healed. His ribs hurt, but it’d take too long for them to heal. He hobbled around on a metal and plastic cane from the med unit, dressed in loose slacks and a sweatshirt filched from Newton’s room. He was going to sleep there too. It didn’t reek like the bad room or tiny apartment that was shared with a tiny, angry old man. It smelled like Newton, and now that smell was a comfort to the mathematician. 

But Hermann wasn’t going to sleep yet. Dressed as he was, and ill equipped with a medical cane, he was limping out of the Shatterdome, eyes fixed on the external wall and gate. Focused as he was, he didn’t hear someone shouting his name. He wouldn’t have noticed being grabbed either if he hadn’t stepped funny and had pain shoot up his leg.

“Doctor Gottlieb, where are you going?” Mako was hanging onto his elbow, making sure he didn’t fall. Becket followed behind, arms crossed across his chest. Hermann attempted to straighten himself and look calm, though he felt anything but.

“To Hannibal Chau.” It had to be the most obvious thing in the world. “Newton admired him, for one indiscernible reason or another, and he might be hiding with that black market thief. So I’m going to him.”

“I told you Mako. He has a death wish.” Becket’s slight American drawl, the casual shrug of his shoulders, his conventional attractiveness and whole body, all of a sudden, it ticked Hermann completely and totally off, and he could see why Newton had taken such a strong dislike to him. 

“Raleigh,” Mako started softly, but the older pilot merely shook his head.

“He might be too blind to see it, and don’t think I don’t see you glaring at me Doctor, but he is obviously more than a bit attached to Geiszler.” Mako turned, looking at Becket before nodding, glancing at Hermann with sudden understanding.

Hermann glared at them both. “I have no idea what you mean. New – Doctor Geiszler is merely a friend of mine, a thorn in my side most of the time.” He glowered at them both as they shared a look and smiled at him. At least with Mako he felt she wasn’t laughing at him.

“We’ll leave you to figure that part out on your own,” she said, taking his free hand and squeezing. Her hand was small and warm and dry, and he attempted to squeeze back. The soft cast made it hard to manage.

“But you can’t go off into the city on your own. Especially to that viper, Hannibal Chau.”

“But I have to – ”

“We’re not saying we’re going to stop you.”

“We’re going with you.”

Hermann blinked and stopped, wobbly again, but this time out of gratefulness. He had to admit, at least to himself, that there were too many unknowns in this situation, and if he was quite honest he was more than a bit terrified of the man who had apparently cut up the inside of Newton’s nose and sent him off to be eaten with most of the general public. The man survived being eaten himself. Hermann had been standing next to the (relatively) tiny corpse of the Kaiju that had eaten him and not heard anything.

“Thank you.” He wasn’t certain of what else to say. He decided to merely try and bolster himself for the meeting.

Following the scrambled memories and half remembered directions from Newton’s babbled monologue post-Drift was surprisingly easier than expected. Hong Kong was a bit fuller these days, the Kaiju church defaced and being reused as a homeless shelter as people pieced their lives together. Food, wonderful, fresh, non-rationed food, was finally coming in as the world over experienced their first post-apocalypse early harvest. Hermann harbored the quiet belief that come the fall, the farmers would become the newest upper class. 

“Kaiju bone powder? Great for virility!” The hawker caught Hermann’s attention and he turned immediately, going for the man.

“Do you work for Hannibal Chau?” Becket blocked a potential path for escape, and the guy slumped a bit as Mako stepped behind Hermann, preventing him from pushing past the mathematician. He hooked a thumb under the strap of the pack he was holding. 

“Don’t speak English too well,” he said, exaggerating his accent. Hermann braced himself as he shifted, expecting him to try to run despite Mako and Becket’s presence. 

“I can speak Cantonese, if you’d like,” Mako offered. She repeated Hermann’s question, watching him with hard eyes. The man watched her warily, eyes lighting up when he recognized her. He looked over Hermann again only briefly, glancing back at Becket.

“You’re that pilot chick that saved us,” he said, exaggeration gone. “’mazing. Fighting in that giant robot.” 

“Mecha, actually,” Hermann offered, but he was ignored. 

“Can we see Hannibal Chau please? It’s very important. He might be helping our friend, Newton?” 

“Short guy, brown hair? Nerdy glasses?” He nodded slightly. “He’s the one that stole Chau’s shoe.” He turned, taking half a step when he saw Becket had moved – to stop blocking the flow of traffic, even if it didn’t seem that way to the man. The heckler jumped, cursing at him, which made Becket smile bemusedly and the man swear more before passing by him. “Follow me.”

They obeyed, Mako taking Hermann’s hand, Becket falling behind and looking about to make sure they weren’t followed. The entered a shabby looking shop. It looked nothing like the one Newton had described, though it was equally dark, filled with bottles of questionable substances, and manned by an old man who grinned, revealing a lack of teeth.

Hermann wasn’t surprised when one of the shelves opened up into a gold and red room. It still wasn’t the one Newton’s memories and stories had described, but it was an obvious attempt to recreate it. There were some skin lice set up in a tank, and a man was crushing an oversized bone that would make Newton drool with envy, but the man they wanted to speak to wasn’t in the room. 

“Stay here.” Their guide left them to disappear behind a red stained door.

“Are you sure about this Doctor Gottlieb?” Becket asked, stepping a bit closer. “Didn’t Doctor Geiszler get a knife up the nose by this guy?”

“He was also sent to a public shelter that was then torn apart. And was eaten by the baby Kaiju Newton and I drifted with.” Hermann sighed softly. “I know he’s dangerous, but he’s a potential lead.”

“Right. Well, let’s get out of here fast. I don’t want to risk anyone getting hurt.” Mako smiled at Becket’s overprotectiveness, placing a hand on his arm. He looked down, smiling back.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the pilots who saved our lives. And what did you bring with you? I’d say an old twig, but I think I recognize you. Doctor Hermann Gottlieb, I take it?” Chau was of height with Becket, his glasses firmly in place. His hair was a little whiter than Newton’s memories suggested, but his suit was clean, a deep green today with a rich purple tie. His shoes clinked as he walked. It seemed he had replaced the one Newton had accidentally taken.

“I am he. Gottlieb. You must be Hannibal Chau.” When he paused for a reply, he got only a slight smile from the criminal. “I’m looking for Newton.”

“Is he some sort of pet you can lose?” Chau asked, crossing his arms.

Hermann flushed, trying not to snap. _This man is dangerous._ “He’s not my pet. I’m merely worried about him. He left without saying anything. It’s quite unlike him.”

“And you think that he would come to me? Why is that?” 

Hermann shifted uncomfortably, feeling Mako squeeze his hand. “Please, Mr. Chau. We are simply looking for information. We want nothing else from you.”

“Miss Mako Mori.” Chau looked her over, his small smile still in place. “It is a pleasure to meet you.” She nodded, refusing to move. “You are right; you only seek information, but I am a merchant in many things. Information is one. I helped your Newt because of Pentecost’s deal with me. I no longer have that deal.”

“Yes you do. You’re still the sole purveyor of Kaiju goods. We could change that.”

“Can you?” Mako nodded. Chau watched her, trying to catch her in a lie, before sighing. “I cannot underestimate the adopted daughter of one as tenacious as Stacker Pentecost. And I wouldn’t put it past the new Marshal to put out new parts to try and keep you guys running awhile longer.” Chau sighed, walking away, to the louse tank.

“The last I saw of your annoying little friend he had stopped by to try and convince me to hand over a skin louse. I refused. He had no way of carrying it home without it eating his skin off. He looked like he was about to fall over, so I allowed him to stay the night.”

“I remember. He came home smelling like alcohol. I thought he had been drinking.”

Chau shook his head. “No. I had him help some of my men preserve a pair of lungs. He enjoyed the work.”

Hermann felt a stab of guilt. He had scolded Newton when he had returned, locking him out of his bedroom until he realized the biologist was having another panic attack. It had been a bad couple of nights and taken a few days to balance out again. “And you haven’t seen him more recently?”

“I haven’t. I guessed he was sulking or had gotten caught up in his work again.” He turned again as a runner approached to talk in rabid fire Cantonese. “You three need to go. I can’t help you. But if you see your friend again, tell him I’m willing to discuss a trade, if he remembers to bring a proper tank this time.”

“All right.” Hermann doubted he would actually tell Newton anything. If he found his partner, he would be taking him far, far away from everyone that could hurt him. Maybe he would buy a mansion and invite everyone to live with them. It would be like the Shatterdome, except a lot nicer. “Thank you Chau. We’ll get out of your hair.” 

He turned to leave, limping away. Mako glanced at Becket before following after. “Are you all right Hermann?”

“It’s a dead end. It’s time to reevaluate the equation.” He paused as his arm gave an angry throb, allowing Mako and Becket to step up beside him. “I’ve been keeping a secret for Newton. It’s time to see what Marshal Hansen knows of it.”

With Mako and Becket’s help, he made it back to the Shatterdome only a little worse for wear.


	8. Liar, Liar, Everywhere

Hansen was in his office when Mako, Becket, and Hermann entered. “I have a door and you three have hands. You can knock,” Hansen didn’t look up. The cane was a dead giveaway after all.

Said cane clipped the edge of the desk as Hermann’s leg nearly gave out. He sat heavily in one of the chairs across from the Marshall, setting the bulky thing aside rather irritably. Mako caught it before it could land on her foot. 

“Marshal, I need to see Newton’s records.” He folded his hands in his lap, clenching them together. Hansen glanced up, doing a double take at the look on Hermann’s face.

“His records. Why?” He straightened a bit, glancing at Mako and Becket for answers. Becket answered with a shrug, earning a look from Mako.

“I’ve been withholding some information from everybody,” he said, standing stiffly. It felt awfully like he was admitting some fault to his father. “When Newton and I drifted, we experienced each other’s consciousnesses, the same as any other Drift partners. However, possibly through drifting with a hivemind, we both collected a significant portion of each other’s memories without consciously seeking it out. Newton has memories of my…diagnosis, some of my school life, field trips, the like. He’s told you about this when we had our follow ups post-Drift. I said that I was experiencing no dreams. That was a lie.”

His pause was because his arm let another throb wrack his body. He decided he’d rather take the random, sharp pains from his eroding nerves than the constant thrumming under the black cast. 

“Doctor Gottlieb, why did you lie?” Mako placed a hand on Hermann’s shoulder. It felt like a dead weight there. Hermann didn’t shake it off. As much as his skin was crawling, he needed a dead weight for an anchor.

“I was experiencing memories of Newton’s. At least, I think they’re his. Are we absolutely certain no one else has drifted with a Kaiju brain before?”

“Yes. The PPDC have all pons systems. Only someone of Newton’s genius could create one out of trash, and unless someone has cheated the systems we’ve placed, no one but you and Newt are intelligent enough and have been around one. And of course only he would also be dumb enough to risk his life using it.” Hansen smiled slightly, chuckling. He was the only one that did.

Mako’s hand squeezed, inciting Hermann to continue. “I was afraid of that,” he admitted, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. His own little anxious tick. “In that case, the memories are not mine, not the Kaiju’s, so they can only be Newton. However, they do not coincide with what he has told me of his past. For instance, Newton claims he was born and lived mostly in Germany. His German is fluent, with an accent I wrote off as a result of living in America for several years already, so I believed him. These memories that I received are of an American childhood, an abusive and neglectful one.” He took a slow breath. “I think Newton lied to become part of the PPDC and his intellect was so badly needed that people looked the other way.”

“Looked…” Hansen went from confused to angry. “If you’re saying that Marshal Pentecost lied – ”

Hermann remained still. He was used to anger. “I just want to see his files. I need to find him.”

“Fine. I’ll get your files for you Doctor Gottlieb, but you best leave Pentecost’s name out of it.” Hansen stood, getting a thumbdrive from his pocket before going to a computer with the wall. 

“Whatever the Marshal did, it was to protect the rest of the world. I would not change any of his decisions,” Hermann said quietly.

Mako squeezed his shoulder again as Hansen sat once more. “You said there were memories of an abusive past right?”

“Correct sir.” 

“Maybe that’s why he’s lying. He doesn’t want to relive that.” He handed the thumbdrive over. Hermann took it, fingers curling around the cheap plastic. 

“Maybe, but it might be the key to finding him. I have to bring Newton home.”

He stood, reaching for his replacement cane and standing. Mako reached to steady him when he stumbled, but he pulled away. “It’s okay Miss Mori.” He let go of his cane, making an effort to bow. “I meant no disrespect towards your teacher. I miss the Marshal as much as anyone else. And I’m grateful for the protection he gave Newton, from his past and from what could have happened if he had been caught lying when so close to the heart of it all.” Mako and Hansen remained silent, so Hermann turned quietly and began to (not so quietly) limp to his quarters.

His computer was an older model, something he had Tendo help rebuild a time or two since establishing himself at the Shatterdome. It was a little slow but it worked quite well anyway, at least enough to read a few more PDF files.

 _”Dude, you need a new laptop”._ Hermann snorted to himself, shaking his head slightly to focus. Newton had teased him so many times about the old thing, but that hadn’t stopped him from adding a few more stickers to the old thing. 

The files soon proved frustrating. Any search engines online could only confirm the basics when it came to before the Kaiju attacks. It seemed like Newton only came into existence shortly after they started exchanging mail. 

That brought Hermann to the letters themselves. They were kept in a firebox under his bed, and it took some maneuvering between his hip, arm, and ribs to get it pulled out.

“Where is it?” he grumbled softly, flipping past a birth certificate, some security bonds, the deed to a house. “Ah ha. There.” He pulled out a yellow envelope, reading the dates.

_Herms, It’s amazing to talk to you man. Like, I’ve been reading some of your theoretical dimensional travel stuff. It’s heavy stuff. Real hard to understand in places, but that’s okay. I used to be into law; I know how to research nowadays…_

They had steadily grown more and more personal with their letters, as well as more and more conceptual. They had convinced each other to join the jaeger training program. It had been Hermann’s childish crush that convinced him to ask to meet.

And of course Newton had been drunk when they finally met, stinking drunk, flirting with someone. It had been painful, and so Hermann lashed out, severing their connection. They met again in Hong Kong. Neither of them acknowledged the past. Even post-Drift they struggled with the topic.

Now Hermann was alone again, trying to piece together a puzzle that had too many holes. He set aside the letters, rubbing his head. He ought to go to MIT, ask questions there.

He put the firebox up, feeling restless. He walked to Newton’s room again, starting to dig through his things. He found an old, holey shirt, sitting down to trace the horse. Newton’s memories were another resource he could use. He ought to use them. He flopped back, shirt draped over his chest, thinking. There were some memories he hated – the lonely sexual encounters Newton experienced were isolated incidents, rushed and clumsy, and Hermann always woke with his body halfway aroused but feeling sick to his stomach, especially with Newton’s sleeping behind him. And before that, from what Hermann could tell, the mysterious, angry blonde woman that seemed to have no name that Newton had been obsessed with. Scary obsessed. 

Hermann groaned. None of this made sense. Why wouldn’t Newton want to talk about his past life, his real one? It was a perfect rags to riches story, something that the rock stars he was currently staring at blankly seemed to share. He could’ve at least told _Hermann_. Didn’t Newton know how Hermann felt about – 

No. He sat up quickly, wincing when he used his bad arm as well as his good one to push himself up. He refused to entertain his emotions, especially ones as volatile as those. As he walked out, he grabbed a notebook he’d seen Newton carry about, pausing again.

The piece of green glass in one of his dreams. He knew he had seen it a couple times about Newton’s room, half curious why he kept an old piece of broken glass about. Last he’d seen it, it’d been perched on some books. The books were still there, but it was gone. He set the notebook down, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He started searching, at first slowly and straightening as he went, but then he grew frantic. He stopped when he was back at the door, arm throbbing angrily and leg attempting to mimic it.

The glass was gone. He didn’t need to go to MIT. He just needed to dream long enough to find out where Newton used to live. With an angry huff, he turned, walking determinedly back to the med unit to get his arm looked at.


	9. Psychedelic Dreams

_It wasn’t hard, his life. Sure, he was usually hungry, and cat food honestly didn’t taste that great, especially the cheap stuff. But he had friends, his mom, and the Waitress._

_“Hey Charlie, have you cleaned the urinals yet?”_

_“Well no, I was going to – ”_

_“They gotta be clean before we open up.”_

_“Yeah I know but – ”_

_“Charlie. Go clean the urinals. Then you can run through the sewers or beat up some rats or stalk the Waitress. Whatever it is you do for fun.”_

_A sigh and he turns to go – into the Waitress’s bathroom, carrying a small bottle. There’s a yellow triangle with a skull and crossbones with it on it, but it wasn’t actually rat poison. He’d taken some of Sweet Dee’s special shampoo and was mixing it into the Waitress’s. He was surprised she hadn’t figured out he’d gotten a key made for her apartment yet._

_Sometimes, he found empty bottles of beer and wine and he would take those to the bad room to smash later. If he found new bottles, he’d try to open them and water them down. Sometimes he would drink them instead and end up nearly drowning as he wandered through the sewers to go – curl up in the corner of a clean white room._

_“He didn’t do nothing! Leave me alone!” The scientist wasn’t there today, just the man who asked questions. Lots of questions, some he didn’t like. Some about Uncle Jack and his mom and the Santas and how did you start huffing glue Charlie if you could name yourself what would you call yourself do you know who had the apple drop on his head while napping and he would sit there and talk even though his head – it all hurt so much, staying up late to study. But some things made it worth it. The letters signed Newton made his heart beat shockingly fast and his face and chest warm. It was ridiculous. There were giant monsters attacking all over the world and he was falling – down, scraping his knees. That was bad. There were germs in the sewer. He knew what they were now, germs. Frank didn’t really care, but he’d started cleaning, just a little bit. Showering. The warm water felt good against his sore muscles. He usually snuck into Dennis and Mac’s apartment to do so. He was smarter now. But it had side effects. Bad ones. He couldn’t handle – the pressure. Everything hurt, and he was so tired. He had fallen asleep at his desk again. His brace itched. Even his backside hurt from – no he wouldn’t think about it. He was with Mac now, and safe. Mac’s parents were cool. His mom smoked and sometimes it stunk, but they let the boys run wherever they wanted._

_He couldn’t leave Philadelphia. It was the only place he knew. The only place he felt safe. But sometimes, he would look at the stars and wonder – what would it be like if he could fly there – what if he could hide amongst the stars._

_Then the Kaiju came – we can’t hide in the stars because there are monsters there – are they any worse than the monsters in the night – the monsters in the family – the ones that pretend to be nice and you can’t tell the world – you can’t speak because no one will understand – you can’t fight the monsters in your own head._

_But you can fight the monsters in the stars._


	10. Time for Cheesesteaks

So, lying to try and get sleeping medication was not one of Hermann’s greatest ideas. It didn’t work, as his ability to lie ranked right below expressing his feelings without either making a royal mess of it or snapping (usually some combination of both was involved). He ended up going back to Newton’s room, searching for his pills. Newton hadn’t taken off with them, and thus Hermann took the small bottle with him, reading the prescription carefully.

A person could live a lifetime in a dream, but Hermann wasn’t going to take any chances. He wanted to be asleep for a fairly long time, hopefully long enough to experience something that told him where to look first. He even changed into his pajamas first, easing his leg into place. The heating pad was turned on while he was awake enough to pay attention to it. He barely remembered to shut it off before he finally dozed off, exhausted. 

When he woke, his mouth was dry, and he felt like he’d been attempting to eat several cotton bolls without water. He wasn’t entirely certain if he’d been snoring or not. His head ached in rhythm with his leg and hip – his arm had been mercifully numbed up with one carefully placed shot. 

Even his hip wasn’t hurting as badly as it could be, he realized as he limped into the bathroom, bracing himself against the wall so he wouldn’t have to sanitize his cane later. As he was washing his hands, he found himself thinking of the dreams he had.

It had been like the Drift. At first, he’d flickered between Newton’s memories like he was flipping through a picture book, but some of the pages had been his own too. It would be nightmare fuel if Hermann wasn’t so fascinated by how his own brain was working. Maybe when he found Newton, he could get the man to explain how the sleep medication affected dreaming. Right after he was done beating the hell out of him for making everyone worry.

A knock interrupted his contemplation as he dressed himself. Making sure he looked decent – as decent as his pajama bottoms and a slightly crumpled tan shirt could look at least – he checked the peephole and opened the door. “Miss Mori.” He glanced back. The pill bottle was hidden, thankfully. He wanted to try again at a later time, with fewer variables in play.

“Doctor Gottlieb.” Mako didn’t move, inclining her head slightly in acknowledgement. Hermann waited a moment before going back to dressing, pulling a vest on over his shirt and fixing the collar. “Do you think the Marshal knew? About Newt, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” he replied, turning again. “Come on in. You may sit at the desk or on the bed if you would like.” She stepped inside, sitting at the desk while he shut the door. Unable to continue dressing with her inside, he sat on the bed, lowering himself carefully. Thus situated, he continued, glancing at the clock. It was quite early in the morning. “If he didn’t know, someone else did. If he did, he knew Newton’s knowledge was needed given the circumstances. Either way, we can’t change the past.” He pulled his leg up, stretching it again.

“Right.” Mako’s forehead wrinkled slightly, making Hermann feel like he’d spoken too much. Of course she’d have thought of changing the past before. Her parents…he felt like an idiot, too dense to understand his own feelings, let alone someone as kind and strong as Mako. “Do you have any ideas of how to find Newton?” she asked, face clearing as she was able to focus again.

Hermann cleared his throat. “Well, are you familiar with the concept of critical history?”

Mako was amusing to watch when she was thinking without worrying about appearances. Her left eye squinted and she stared over Hermann’s head, apparently focused on the periodic table Newton had the audacity to superglue in place and decorate with stars whenever they found some chemical in something Kaiju related (there was a matching one in Newton’s room). “You might have told me once, but I can’t really remember,” she finally admitted.

“Critical history is when you look at information taken from reliable sources – authenticated documents being an extremely useful example – and use multiple sources, context, and the like to piece together the past.” He pointed to the thumbdrive sticking out of his laptop. “I already had some documentation of Newton’s MIT teaching position, but it was good to cross-reference a few things anyway. Newton Geiszler does not exist in academia before the year 2012, and even then it’s a small footnote of an article he had mailed me with his first letter. He publishes several short papers in 2013, then stops briefly as the world recovered from Trespasser. Then he becomes fairly regular until he joins the PPDC.” Hermann sighed. “I can’t find anything from before 2012 on Newton, so he must’ve legally changed his name or it is a very good alias.”

Mako sighed, leaning back into the chair, and crossing her legs. “Then we have no idea what to do?”

“No, I think I dreamed a memory that might help. May I see my laptop?” She passed it over, getting up to sit and look over his shoulder. He didn’t mind her chin on his shoulder as he waited for the laptop to boot up again.

“Why do you have so many stickers?” she asked, picking at a tiny blue police phone call box. He tapped her finger lightly in reprimand. 

“It’s a very old laptop,” he explained, tapping on his preferred browser and tapping in _Paddy’s Pub, Philadelphia_. There were two places, but when he clicked, he recognized the sign. “There. We start there.” 

“What is it?” Mako put her hand on his shoulder as a cushion for her chin. “It looks kind of horrible.”

“It’s where most of my memories of Newton seem to revolve. At least as a young adult.” He sighed, feeling uneasy. “It’s possible that he returned to his old life, as…Charlie.”

“Charlie,” Mako repeated. “Are you sure? I guess it’s less weird than Newton.”

“Newton is a good name,” Hermann protested, glancing at Mako. When he saw her smiling at him, he felt his face grow hot briefly. “It is. It’s solid and simple.”

“Stick to math Doctor Gottlieb. I think you’re letting your bias show.” Mako laughed as Hermann turned redder. She glanced at his half dressed state, pulling back to give him his space. “What are you planning to do?”

“I’m going to travel. I was dressing to talk to Hansen about arranging the purchase of a ticket and removing some money from my bank…” He trailed off, thinking. “My passport is still current, at least.” 

“You’ll need someone to go with you,” Mako pointed out. He started to shake his head but she nudged him. “Yes you do. What if you hurt yourself even more while there?”

“Mako, you have responsibilities here. The jaegers, Becket – ”

“All can wait until I return. You are just as important. Besides, the Marshal might assign you someone you despise to go with you for protection. Wouldn’t you rather already have an option you get along with?”

“You’re probably right.” And having someone whom he knew could act as a buffer between himself and the rest of the world would take away most of the stress that came with traveling. He let out a soft breath, making sure he wouldn’t knock into his laptop before standing. “If you would allow me to finish dressing, I’ll join you to talk to Marshal Hansen.”

“I’m going to talk to Raleigh first. You eat something. You will do no good if you end up passing out while in customs.”

“I will.” He smiled, standing to let her out. 

A change of trousers and a short breakfast of toast and what the kitchens passed of as eggs later, and Hermann found himself listening to Becket as he talked to Mako about going with them. Mako had tricked Hermann, going to Hansen on her own. He wasn’t sure what to think about that, partially grateful, partially annoyed. He decided to ignore it for now, wondering if Becket was really going to come with him and Mako. He could tolerate Mako, and even Becket in small doses, heavily filtered with the presence of others, and in snippets when Newton wasn’t being such a groupie and rising to Becket’s bait.

“Someone has to stay and watch over the trainees,” Mako was saying. “and oversee jaeger repair.”

“Hansen can do that.”

“Marshal Hansen has enough on his plate without taking over your duties as well as handle running the Shatterdome,” Hermann said, getting irritated. They were going past his room, but he refused to leave the two pilots alone until this was decided. Becket turned to look at Hermann, frowning.

“So it’s all right for Mako to leave, but not for me?” Hermann took a small step back, not wanting to be in the way if he got angry.

“You and Miss Mori are Drift partners because you two needed to share the neural load. This is no different. Though you might be apart, you will still be doing your duty together.” He shifted his grip on his cane, hand feeling surprisingly slick with sweat. “In this case, it’s protecting those who may not be entirely capable of taking care of themselves.” 

Becket looked at Hermann, obviously thinking. Eventually he nodded, patting Hermann’s shoulder. His hand felt heavy. “You’re right. That’s what I came to do as a jaeger pilot, isn’t it?” He sighed, turning to Mako. “I’m going to be working when you guys leave.”

“I know.” Hermann looked away when they hugged. Now that he knew who was coming, he had no desire to spoil their good bye.

_He’d never flown before. He ended up with a window seat, staring out at the black tarmac with a mixture of panic and wonder. Part of his brain was reviewing what he’d read, making it as solid as the seat he was sitting on that also worked as a flotation device while the other half was mindlessly panicking and wishing for that toxic cat food mixture he used to eat to fall asleep._

_“Are you okay?” He jumped and twisted about, looking up at the flight attendant smiling at him. He smiled back._

_“I’ve never flown before. Just nervous.” His face felt tight._

_“It’ll be all right,” She said, offering him an extra pack of peanuts. “Just relax and lower the shade if the view makes you nervous.”_

_“T-thank you.” He tucked both packets in his pocket, wanting to save them, just in case._

Hermann and Mako’s flight took them from Hong Kong to Philadelphia via Canada. Mako was the worse traveler of the two, sitting and spending most of her time staring out the window. Hermann was grateful for the first class tickets. Not only did that mean they weren’t accosted by people recognizing the pilot, but he had some extra space to deal with his hip and leg as halfway through it decided it needed to move and promptly cramped up.

From the airport, it was a simple enough manner to double check the address they had downloaded and hail a cab for South Philadelphia. Hermann panicked just a couple blocks from the bar, stopping the cab and letting them go. Mako wrangled their two small suitcases as he sat down in a disturbingly familiar coffee shop. When he sat, he felt a rush of déjà vu despite never being there before.

“Is it too much? Maybe we should find a hotel and come again tonight?” Mako sat too, looking about. Philadelphia, being both on the East Coast and a bit inland, hadn’t ever been attacked or close to one of the places that had been. So it looked almost normal. There were posters of the Kaiju, and some of the kids running by were playing Kaiju vs. Jaeger, but Hermann was overwhelmed by just how normal everything looked. 

“No…I’m just…it’s just like the memories. It’s a bit…much.” He closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing for a few minutes. When he opened them, he started to smile at Mako, prepared to reassure her and continue on, when someone else caught his eye.

“Dee? Deandra Reynolds?” He stood slowly, barely catching his balancing before starting after the woman. She turned. Her hair was a bit shorter and limp, and there were new lines around her face that just proved how old the memories Hermann had were, but she was still recognizably herself.

“Who are you?” she asked, straightening and looking him over. Hermann straightened himself, knowing that the way she pressed her lips together was a sign of distrust.

“I’m Hermann Gottlieb, and this is Mako Mori.” He gestured to Mako, feeling her close to his side. “We’re looking for New – we’re looking for your old friend Charlie.”

“Charlie?” She squinted at him. “Charlie’s not been here in a long time. Ain’t he dead?”

Hermann sighed, shuffling his cane from one hand to the other. “It’s a rather long story Miss Reynolds. Perhaps you could lead us to Dennis, Mac, and Frank at Paddy’s so that I don’t have to explain it too many times.”

“All right. Can’t say no to a cripple, can I?” She gestured for them to follow, already pulling out a disposable phone to call her brother. Mako started to protest but Hermann shook his head.

“No point Miss Mori. These people are classless,” he said softly as he started after Dee. “Be glad she hasn’t recognized you yet. When she or her friends do, they will try to use you to make their bar more popular, no doubt.”

“You make it sound like something to look forward to,” Mako said, smiling wryly. Even though Dee didn’t wait on them, Hermann had dreamed enough to vaguely know his way to a simple storefront with green trim and the sign _Paddy’s Irish Pub_ hanging crookedly above the door.


	11. The Gang (Is Useless)

The bar was surprisingly dim; some of the lightbulbs had yet to be replaced. It was also surprisingly clean. There was a bit of dirt on the floor, but considering what Hermann had seen, he had half expected needing a shower after visiting. Sweet Dee, Deandra, or Dee as she was most often called, hung up her phone, glancing back at the pair as she walked behind the bar for a beer. “Dennis and Mac’ll be here in a minute. Want a beer?”

“No thank you,” Mako said politely while Hermann just shook his head. Mako pushed the bags to a table, tucking them out of the way.

“Whatever you say Squinty.” Hermann could see Mako visibly stiffen. He glanced at her, shaking his head slightly and clinging to the faint hope that Newton might walk through the door at any second to return to his old life and all this would be over. 

Unfortunately, when the door opened, it was not his rumpled partner that stepped through, but a man with light brown hair and an ironed polo – Dennis – and a second man whose hair was so thick with product to slick it back that it looked black. His shirt sleeves had been ripped off.

“What’s up bitches?” Mac, the second man, said with a grin and a twelve pack of beer. He nearly ran into his friend, who had caught sight of Mako and was staring at her as if trying to remember her name.

“There you guys are. Thought you were going to leave me with these two weirdos.” Dee left the bar to try and take the beers.

“Shut it Bird. Who’re you?” Mac asked, nodding at Hermann and shifting the beer out of Dee’s reach. She pouted, walking to grab at the pack, ripping the thin cardboard and spilling the glass bottles all over the floor. One of them broke over the back of Dennis’ pants, interrupting whatever he was about to say to jump away with a curse, kicking his wet leg and hitting Mac. Hermann made a disdainful noise as they started to fight, stepping back and pulling out a chair to sit. The sound was enough to get the Gang’s attention again.

“Are you quite done?” Hermann asked, folding his hands in his lap. “Miss Mori and I have traveled quite a long time to get here.”

“Who’re you to order us about?” Mac demanded. “Get up you Jew cripple and fight properly.” He started to step forward, but Mako moved first, hand on the back of Hermann’s chair. Hermann looked down at his clothes, trying to figure out what coded him as Jewish. He didn’t even practice the religion he had been born into.

“God Mac, how many times do we have to tell you, it’s not right to just call a person Jew.”

“But if he’s a Jew – ”

“It’s _Jewish_ for fuck’s sake.” 

“No one cares Bird.”

“Shut up!” The outburst from the short pilot was enough to catch the Gang’s attention once more. “We came here looking for somebody, so could you please try and help us?”

“Of course. How might I be of service?” Dennis was the first to speak up, giving a disarming smile. Dee directed a glare towards his back, rolling her eyes.

Mako gestured to Hermann. “He can explain better than I,” she said. “May I have a drink of water?”

“Of course!” Mac stepped around the broken bottle, leaving Dee to clean up the broken glass and wet cardboard. Dennis scowled after his friend, picking up one of the unbroken beers, looking it over before shrugging and twisting it open to drink.

“So, I think you told Dee something about Charlie? He’s dead dude. Been dead for awhile. Or gone and run off. Same end result, basically.” Dennis kept standing. Hermann was annoyed that he had to crane his head back, irritating a crick in the neck he’d sustained earlier, but it didn’t surprise him. From what he could tell, Dennis was obsessed with power, perceived or real. He was also obsessed with his look, something Hermann nor Newton ever understood.

“I have reasons to believe that…Charlie is not dead. Do you know anything of the Pan Pacific Defense Corps?” Hermann asked, shifting slightly to ease the weight off his hip. He’d been sitting down so long it protested having to sit again. 

“They’re the ones with the giant robots!” 

“Yeah, thanks Mac!” Dennis grinned, only for it to falter slightly. “Wait, you guys from the giant robot dudes? We didn’t do nothing, for real this time!”

“I’m not saying you did,” Hermann said testily. “I’m trying to explain why we’re here. Now, as I was saying, we are from the PPDC – ”

“Are you a pilot? ‘Cause I didn’t think they’d let cripples become pilots.” It was Dee interrupting now, leaning forward over the bar and into Mako’s space, a dustpan in hand. Mako was sitting about as far as she could get, drinking some tap water through a straw. “Do they let women become pilots too?”

“They do,” Mako replied. “I’m a pilot, for the Gipsy Danger, and then there was Sasha Kaidonovsky for Cherno Alpha , and Doctor Lightcap, who piloted one of the first jaegers created, the – ”

“You’re a pilot?” Mako had everyone’s attention now, and Hermann sighed as Dennis stood again, going over to Mako now.

“Yes, I am. I was part of the team that closed the Breach,” she said quietly. When she caught Hermann’s eye, she gave the tiniest of shrugs. There was no helping it. He stood to join them, every muscle protesting even the slightest movements. 

“Wait, whoa, you mean – that was you?” Mac looked her over, all three of them disbelieving. 

“So that’s why you look so familiar! It’s the blue streaks. So cute.” Dee’s tone was biting, but there was no chance to address that because the trio kept talking over each other.

“You have to spar with me sometime! I don’t mean to brag, but for you, I’ll go easy on you.” Mac let loose a set of scrambled moves that resulted in a broken wine bottle.

“Mac, you bitch! That was the expensive shit too!”

“What do you mean the expensive shit – that’s the bottle we always water down and sell for like ten bucks a glass.”

Dennis threw a bar rag at him to clean the mess. “That’s ‘cause it’s really fucking expensive you asshole.”

“Excuse me!” Hermann decided the farce had gone far enough, slamming the top of his cane into the heavy wooden bar. It didn’t even leave a dent, but at least it got their attention, for the time being. “Miss Mori and I flew from Hong Kong to Philadelphia for a very important reason, and that does not include listening to you three complain and curse like the a group of twelve year olds just discovering the crudity of the English language.”

“Uh – what?” 

He sighed, giving up the preamble he had prepared, all his plans thrown out the window for the time being. “Your Charlie is our Newton Geiszler. Do you have the internet in this awful place?”

“Awful – ”

“Well excuse me Mr. Jaeger Dude, but not all of us get to run super important giant robots and fight blue monsters.”

“I am _not_ a jaeger pilot! I am a scientist, one of the scientists that worked on closing the Breach and saved your necks. The other scientist? Doctor Newton Geiszler, formerly known as Charlie of this ridiculous little pub. Are any of you even of Irish descent?” 

“Well no, but like, who wants to drink in an Italian pub?” Dennis said slowly, gaining murmurs of agreement from Mac and Dee. 

“Miss Mori, this is useless. I should have known this would lead us nowhere.” Hermann had to move slowly. His body was protesting even unbending to walk properly, so he hunched over, feeling hot and embarrassed and angry as three pairs of eyes watched him struggle. One pair stopped as Mako went for the bags, pausing carrying them in one hand awkwardly as she tried to help lead him with the other.

“Hey guys – hey old man stay right there. Dennis, come lookit this.” Mac had gone to grab Dennis’ laptop after Hermann had dismissed them and was staring at the screen with shock. Dennis walked to the end of the bar, yanking it around as Dee looked over his shoulder.

“That’s Charlie! Holy fuck, it’s actually him!” 

“Hey, he looks like he knows what a razor is now.”

“And a shower.” 

“And he’s a scientist now? Fuck, Charlie can’t even read.”

Dee snapped her fingers. “Evil twin.” When everybody, including someone that was reading in a corner and pretending not to overhear their excited gibbering, she continued. “Everyone’s got an evil twin right? Well maybe this Newton dude is actually the good twin and Charlie was the evil one. It’s all backwards and shit because Charlie was so goddamn useless.”

“That’s preposterous.” Hermann stared at them, dumbfounded. “My Newton is your Charlie. I can assure you that. We – ”

“ _Your_ Newton? Whoa, are you a fag? Totally didn’t read you as a fag old man.”

“I’m not old – ”

“Do you take it in the butt, or do you, you know…” Dennis made a couple of humping gestures, partially hidden by the bar. Hermann got the picture though, especially as it was accompanied by a series of grunts and Dennis biting his lower lip. Hermann felt himself going red.

“Newton and I are not dating, and I’ll have you know that my sexuality is none of your business.” He moved jerkily to the bar, pulling the laptop free to look at the picture of Newton. It was a press release photo, and he was smiling his nervous smile. It hurt to see him. “I know Newton and Charlie are the same because we drifted together.” He started searching for an article that explained how he and Newton had helped to save the world as he spoke.

“I thought you said you weren’t – ”

“We’re not! For God’s sake, shut that mouth of yours for five minutes and you might actually learn something of a childhood friend,” Hermann snapped, glaring at Mac. “Newton drifted with a Kaiju to get a look at their plans and how the Breach worked. It wasn’t enough, so we ended up drifting together with a fresher specimen. That is how I know who he is – I’ve amassed a collection of his memories and after he ran off, I used them to track his old life down. That is why we are here.” He found the article but forgot why he had done so in his agitation, slamming the laptop shut.

“Well, sorry man, but we’ve not seen him.”

“Yeah, we thought he died in his bad room or something.” Dee got a glare from the guys. “Oh come on. We sent Frank and everything but he got lost and broke one of the vents, remember?”

“Oh yeah. That was – damn, that was over ten years ago now.”

“When did you notice he was gone?” Hermann asked, glancing at Mako. She was still by the door, waiting patiently, watching the Gang warily. He didn’t blame her for staying well away. 

“Oh, you know, around what, October? October 2014 I think.” Mac was obviously trying to think. “Frank said he’d been sleeping elsewhere lately, so he had the apartment to himself, and the Kaiju beasts were all over the place, so we were trying to cash in, I mean trying to save lives. Yeah.”

Hermann shook his head slightly. This was useless. “Well then.” He started to leave, trying to think of how to end this farce. “Thank you, I suppose, for your help.” If you could call it that.

“Hey, wait, where you going? Stay here, we can have a party tonight!”

“At least let May-ko stay!”

The Gang followed them out, so Mako did the smart thing and hailed a cab, ushering Hermann in before following. The bags nearly got left, ending up with one in Mako’s lap and the other wedged between their legs. Mako twisted in her seat to watch the three grown adults attempt to run down a taxi.

“Well, I can definitely see why he left,” Mako finally ventured. It made Hermann snort, trying to contain his laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Gang will be back. 
> 
> Also, I wrote this while inebriated. I have a fear of writing for fandoms I'm not a part of, so writing the Gang while a bit drunk was a good way to try and keep their conversations hilariously inept.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you liked it or have anything to say at all.


	12. Catalyst

The hotel was a welcome relief. Mako made Hermann shower first, claiming the bed closer to the window. When he got out, dressed in his pajamas, she took over. He spent some time fiddling with his heating pad – for the first time in several years he had to change the adaptor. Then he started putting clothes into the dresser, generally trying to neaten things up. Mako came out with wet hair, stretching.

“I’m sorry for what they said,” Hermann said as they tried to settle down. Neither of them were up for checking email or technology, so Mako was kind and turned out the lamps as Hermann struggled getting his body comfortable. The bed was too soft and he kind of just sank in. While it was comfortable now, he probably was going to need help getting out.

“Why are you apologizing for them? You didn’t do anything,” Mako said, pulling off her socks and throwing them out of the duvet next to her before settling. He watched her move, eyelids starting to droop.

“Because…” He paused to think, huffing to himself when he couldn’t answer properly. “Because Newton would apologize,” he finally said, making her laugh.

“Newt wouldn’t have any reason to apologize either; he would just do it because they are, were, his friends,” she said. “I think the Drift has rubbed off on you more heavily than we thought.”

“Perhaps.” He rolled onto his back. His bed felt way too big and cold, his chest tight and hot all of a sudden. “Do you miss Becket?”

“Yes.” Mako’s voice was quiet. “But probably not as much as you do Newt.”

“What?”

Mako’s silence was enough that he started pushing himself up to see if she had fallen asleep. She heard him, glancing his way. “It’s not for me to make you see,” she said softly. He stared at her for a few minutes before finally lying down, discomforted.

His bed seemed even larger as he fell asleep. Worse, he didn’t remember dreaming at all when he woke up.

Mako was in the shower again as he slowly rolled to the edge of the bed, forcing first his good leg then his bad down. Standing sent blood rushing down out of his head and made him dizzy, so he sat back down, trying to blink hard enough to wake up the rest of him. When Mako came out in one of her soft cardigans and jeans, he gave her a look, eyebrows raised curiously.

“I woke up remembering that one guy’s bad breath and it got on me,” she said, sounding shockingly like her age despite all the growing up she had to do since her parents had died. Hermann smiled, attempting to stand again and making it. He started gathering his clothes to change. 

“Since it’s dinner time here, we should probably eat something before attempting to adjust to their sleep schedule,” Hermann suggested as he emerged like some grey butterfly, adjusting his vest until he felt comfortable with its positioning. “I’ve heard some interesting things about Philadelphia’s local cuisine.”

“Raleigh told me there’s a sit down restaurant not too far from here I think.” Mako was online, so she pulled up a map to check while Hermann decided to check his email in the vain hope that Newton had been found, or, more hopelessly, that Newton himself had emailed him. Neither things occurred, so he shut down the laptop cautiously before moving to look over Mako’s shoulder. 

“I understand and can appreciate the idea of eating outdoors or in a rough looking restaurant like that, but I do not think my hip will allow me to stand about for too long without trying to give out.” He could always try to walk and eat, but the benches that could be seen in the picture were dubious at best. “We could go once I’ve fully recovered from the flight?” he offered as she shut her laptop down and stood.

“Of course. Let’s just walk and see what we can find. Maybe we’ll think of a new plan for finding Newt.” Mako took Hermann’s free arm, and once out of the elevator, they walked, the motion helping to further unlock the sore muscles that had been locking Hermann’s leg into place. “Doctor Gottlieb, do you like Italian?” Mako pointed, briefly, to a small looking restaurant. At least it looked a lot cleaner than the fake Irish pub they had been in previously. Since Hermann wasn’t up for a short dash across the street, they walked down to a crosswalk and back to the front door.

The restaurant was a quiet little place, except for the kitchen. It was mostly closed off, except for a large oven that remained exposed, and a work station for putting the final touches on dishes before they were sent out to the tables. There were several people in chef’s jackets working and laughing. Hermann glanced over curiously before following the hostess to a table just out of sight of everything but the big oven.

The pair perused the menu in silence, ordering their drinks before Mako decided to discuss the elephant in the room. “I don’t think those people from the pub are any good at lying.”

“They aren’t,” Hermann assured her. “We missed the one man who was any good at subterfuge, and for that I’m grateful.” He sighed. “I don’t know why I was so sure that Newton would be here. He might’ve grown up in this city but it doesn’t mean his childhood was anything to envy.”

“It was a good idea,” Mako insisted. “And now that we are here and know he isn’t, we can look into other ways of trying to find hi – oh thank you.” She smiled as their server set the glasses down in front of them.

“Would you like to order anything?”

“Not just yet. We’re still perusing the menu.” Hermann relaxed when he left, staring blankly at the menu. He wasn’t all that hungry.

“Maybe he has a credit card we can see?”

“No. Newton said since he has impulse control problems, he didn’t trust himself with one. So, no records that way.” And would it even be under Newton’s name? Hermann found himself wishing he had kept his cool long enough to ask for Newton’s former surname. 

“Well, that is…smart of him,” Mako said, tapping the table as she tried to come up with another solution.

They had ordered their food when Hermann started thinking. “Suppose he is in the city?”

“His old friends said they hadn’t seen him though.”

Hermann shook his head. “I know, and they’re idiots, but I’m going to believe them because they seemed so shocked by Newton’s picture. I think maybe he returned to Philadelphia but not his old gang.”

“That was a gang?” It was Mako’s turn to give Hermann an incredulous look.

“That’s what they call themselves.” He shrugged. “We can ask Newton why when we find him.” He tapped his glass against the table as he finished taking a sip, still thinking. “This is a fairly large city. We can ask around, possibly call in a missing person’s report.”

“Might that get _them_ on our trail again?” Mako asked. Hermann grimaced and nodded. “We need to either go big with this, and risk someone undesirable finding Newton, or we keep quiet. We could return to Hong Kong, talk with the Marshal. It’s Newt; I’m sure he’ll free up some of the budget to make sure he’s safe at least.”

“Right.” Hermann thought he was doing good hiding how he felt, but then Mako reached across the table to take his hand.

“It might be faster than staying here,” she pointed out. Hermann pulled his hand away, nodding.

“I understand. We’ll arrange for our flight back in the morning. To be quite honest, I do not want to risk running into those vile people again.” He withheld a sigh, knowing there was no point in even attempting to fight fate with this. “I hope he’s all right.”

Steaming piles of noodles and sauce were put on the table before them. As Mako dug in, Hermann stared at his plate with something akin to horror. “Are you going to eat all of that Miss Mori?” He was fairly certain their plates had been swapped out for small tubs meant for infants.

“Of course. I need the carbs.” She didn’t though. She made it about halfway through linguini and clam sauce before she sat back. “Americans eat far too much.”

“Have you seen Becket in the mess hall?” Hermann asked. She nodded slightly. “I thought he was superhuman. Of course Newton never remembered to eat, so I always excused his sudden binges as his body finally catching on that it needed something other than coffee.” 

“Well, I’d hate to waste this.” Mako called the server over, getting her plate wrapped up. Considering Hermann had eaten less than a quarter of his own food, he decided to take it as well. Then they paid and set to leave, going out the wrong door. Hermann looked about, heading towards the sidewalk to just walk under the street lights – it had gotten late as they kind of belatedly realized their trip was useless after all. He wasn’t prepared to get run into and knocked down by some guy running from another.

Mako wasn’t either, but she didn’t have a cane and the reaction time of a rag doll either. When she saw Hermann stumble and drop his food, she reacted, grabbing the man who had stumbled away from Hermann and slamming him into the ground. He grunted and went still, stunned.

The second man slowed when he saw the take down, the whites of his eyes catching the restaurant’s light and reflecting it. He hesitated until Mako stood, looking at him now, and then he took off as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

“I’m really sorry dude. C-can I please just go? Didn’t mean to run into you.” Hermann had been staring after the runner, wondering how close he had come to being stabbed, when the squeaky voice of the man who’d run into him caught his attention. Mako had placed herself between him and Hermann, but she hesitated when she heard the voice too.

“Newton?”

“Wha – who?” The man who stood up was wearing a somewhat holey looking shirt with a stallion rearing on the front and equally threadbare pants. Despite it being only a few days since he had left, his face was looking positively scruffy and he reeked. When Hermann dropped his cane to hug him, he realized that he was probably sleeping in the sewers to smell so bad. “Hermann?”

Mako joined the hug, nearly knocking Hermann and Newton to the ground again. “Mako? What are you two doing here?”

Hermann couldn’t answer. He was too torn between berating Newton about running away and kissing him. His stomach picked for him, unable to stand the stench anymore.

“We came looking for you,” he said, looking Newton over more critically. “You didn’t have to run like that. And look at you, an absolute mess. Do you know how much panic you caused?” Mako touched Hermann’s arm lightly.

“Let’s all go back to the hotel. Newt can shower, and we can talk there,” she suggested. Newton nodded quickly, eager to delay the talk as long as he possibly could. Hermann relented, making Newton carry their boxes and holding onto his arm. His excuse was that he didn’t want Newton to run off again.

They made it to the lobby before things went very, very wrong.

The Gang was arguing with the poor woman behind the service desk. Hermann stopped as suddenly and completely as if he’d walked into a wall, Mako hesitated a moment and stopped a moment later.

Newton looked ready to run, puke, or some disgusting combination of both when his former friends turned around, glancing at and recognizing Hermann and Mako before looking at Newton.

“Charlie!” Mac was the first to run towards the biologist. His momentum was too much and Newton didn’t brace, so they both fell back. “Dude, you reek. Have you been running in the sewers again?”

“You didn’t tell us you’d gone and got smart for real man.” Dennis kicked at Newton lightly, getting Mac instead. He got pulled down too, knocking into Hermann’s shins. Mako grabbed Hermann’s arm to keep him from falling. 

“Newton, we should go to our room,” Hermann suggested, but Dee had joined the mix, and Newton was laughing, soaking up the attention from the group. Hermann backed off, chest strangely tight as Newton finally got up, holding onto Mac’s wrist and twisting to talk to Dee. He finally looked in Hermann’s direction, making Hermann perk up hopefully.

“Can these guys come up with us?”

Only Mako got to see Hermann’s face after he said yes and turned away, limping for the elevator. At the very least, he wasn’t going to stand for Newton and his friends’ stink in the same tiny space.


	13. Bathroom Talk

The hotel room felt cramped with six people inside. Hermann took a corner of his bed, quickly claiming it so no one else could mess up where he was meant to sleep. Mako sat on the end of his bed, watching as the Gang and Newton crowded around the other bed to talk. Neither of them were actually listening to the conversation. Hermann was brooding, chin propped on his hands on his cane. Mako was watching him and frowning minutely as she thought.

“Dude, you reek. Have you been in the sewers?”

Newton rubbed the back of his head, giving a slightly embarrassed smile. “Yeah. It’s no big deal though. I still remember when the waters go through. Mostly.” That incited laughter, meaning no one noticed Mako getting up (except for Hermann, who was just too busy glaring at the wall to turn around) until she grabbed Newton’s arm.

“You and Doctor Gottlieb need to talk,” she said, her voice quiet but as firm as the grip on Newton’s shoulder. “And you need to shower. Your friends are welcome to wait here while you do so.”

“Mako?” Hermann was grabbed as she marched Newton to the bathroom. He didn’t even remember to actually grab his cane. “Mako, I don’t even have any clothe – ”

The door got slammed in both of their faces, and then Hermann wobbled. Newton grabbed his arm until he steadied. “That was unexpected,” Hermann said quietly, glad that the door was thick enough to somewhat muffle the argument that had broken out on the other side of the door. Newton laughed, and Hermann turned to look him over, lips slightly pursed but otherwise unreadable. Newton quickly sobered, looking at him, then away.

“So, I guess you’re wondering why I left?” Newton finally ventured, breaking the silence building between them.

“I know why you left.” Hermann walked the few steps to sit on the toilet, stretching his leg out. The lack of space meant he brushed against Newton as he passed, and he felt the biologist’s hand on his back ever so briefly before he turned and Newton dropped it. Silence resume, painfully so, with neither of them quite looking at each other or moving. Eventually Newton sighed, pulling at his shirt.

“I’m sorry you got locked in here with me dude. But you guys are right – I reek. I need to shower.” Hermann made a weird, waving motion with his hand, turning his head slightly in an attempt to give some privacy, but he still caught himself peeking.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Newton’s tattoos before, or even seen Newton in the nude. Hospital gowns were highly unflattering, and he was certain they had both gotten an eyeful of each others’ buttocks when they went in for testing a few months after the shared Drift. And that didn’t include the dreaming memories he still had, even of the most mundane things, like showering.

Still, he couldn’t help but be curious. And if Newton asked what he was doing, well, he might have already thought of a couple excuses in the long silence.

Newton was _colorful_. In a way, it was like someone had stuck a giant coloring book of Kaiju onto his body and let a ten year old with decent coloring skills fill it in. The Kaiju went up his shoulders, growing more massive on his back and chest. When his trousers went down, there was a peek of a new tattoo – Otachi maybe? Then the boxers were kicked off and Hermann wasn’t too surprised when no, it was Otachi’s baby snarling at him. Otachi was on Newton’s other leg, stretching out across a butt cheek like someone had overestimated the size they could do.

“Hermann, do you think you can convince Mako to give me something to wear? I don’t want to put on that stuff when I get out.” Newton was looking directly at Hermann, not bothering to cover himself. Hermann reluctantly looked up from the sunburst on his stomach to not look like a creep. 

“I can, but you might be in the shower for awhile.” He was trying to ignore the brown flakes that had been shaken off to the ground and still clung to Newton’s shoulders. “You can use my things, as I don’t think the hotel’s supply is meant for those with sensitive scalps.”

“Thanks.” He touched his hair gingerly, groaning when more brown came out. “It’s like I have reverse dandruff.”

“I’d rather you not have any,” Hermann said pointedly. He had known of Newton’s scalp issues since early on, when Newton had left behind flakes all over his desk and Hermann had been forced to clean up. Since then, Hermann had put himself somewhat in charge of Newton’s scalp care, forcing him to spring a little more for good shampoo.

Newton took the less than subtle hint, starting the water and climbing in. The glass quickly steamed up, obscuring them from each other’s sight. When the room became steamy, Hermann stood and turned the vent on. “What I really want to know, I suppose, is why you decided to run without even saying goodbye.” He sat down again, feeling both heavier and lighter all at once. At least he had said it, and fairly evenly too.

He listened to Newton move about in silence. He was starting to think he’d imagined saying it when Newton finally spoke. “I guess…I was scared you’d talk me out of it. I wanted to get out before everything could fall apart again.”

“You left me unconscious in a hospital bed.” 

They both went quiet again for awhile. Hermann forced himself up to ask for some clothes for Newton, which Mako had apparently packed because Hermann had been too eager to leave to remember. They got set aside on the counter, and Hermann sat again.

“I’m sorry.” Hermann glanced at the shower and saw Newton looking at him through the glass. “I shouldn’t have left you like that. And shit, I’m sorry. I was scared of us too.”

“Us?” Hermann met Newton’s eyes, and he looked away, rinsing his hair out.

“Ever since we drifted, I noticed that…the memories I was dreaming…I…” Newton had to swallow, back tracking. “Did you not notice anything odd during the Drift?”

“I was kind of distracted by the anteverse,” Hermann said dryly, making Newton laugh kind of awkwardly.

“Right, well. I, um, I know we fought a lot. Still do actually, but…I’ve always kind of liked it.” Hermann shifted, still watching him, but now he was confused. He’d been thinking Newton would try to make an excuse about running away, and they hadn’t even touched on his big lie yet, but this was a strange direction to take. “I guess you could say I’m conditioned to it with…” Another awkward laugh. “Sorry. I’m not trying to deviate, honest. It’s just hard to talk about. Are you sure you don’t have any inkling of…anything?”

Hermann frowned. “Not when you’re being so obtuse Newton. Will you get to your point soon, or are you attempting to use up all the hot water the hotel has?”

“That’d be nice,” Newton admitted. “It’s been like a week since I’ve had a proper shower.” 

“Newton, you’re stalling.”

“Right.” Hermann watched Newton visibly shrink on himself. “I…started to like you. Like, not just admire as someone who is an intellectual equal but…Christ. When we were younger I really thought I was in love with you Hermann, and over the past few months I might’ve, I mean, I have, realized…”

It finally clicked for Hermann, and he stood. The bathroom was too small and too hot for this sort of conversation. He went to the door, but the handle refused to move. Mako had managed to lock them in with a chair under the handle. He hit the door with his cane, leaning against the door.

The water behind him shut off, and he could hear Newton trying to get out to follow him. When he felt the shorter man press against him, he tensed, not enjoying his arms getting pinned to his sides as Newton tried to hug him. Then he found out he could free his arms, and he relaxed minutely.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t…I know I hurt you.” Newton sighed, burying his nose just to the right of Hermann’s spine. “And I mean both now and ages and ages ago. When we first met.” Newton squeezed when Hermann sucked in a breath. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Hermann finally admitted, pulling away. Newton had thankfully wrapped a towel around his hips, or else Hermann wouldn’t have hugged him again, more comfortable when he was in control. He could feel Newton’s gasp of surprise on his ear, then his hands curling in his vest, but that was all right because he was doing similar, digging his fingers into Newton’s shoulders. “Listen, we’ll discuss…everything…absolutely everything later. We’re both tired and we have a roomful of people who call you Charlie. I want a peaceful moment before we start figuring things out.” He pulled away, saw Newton’s reluctant nod and sighed. It was going to be hard to force Newton to tell the whole truth. Then again, Newton didn’t know just how much Hermann knew. It would be a trump card. “Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll get Miss Mori to let us go.”

Newton nodded, turning to pull on the clean clothes. Hermann pushed the ruined things under the seat with his cane as he called out.

It was another couple of hours before the Gang was convinced to leave, to the point that even Hermann was close to falling asleep. The only person still wired up when they went to bed, at last, was Newton, but he settled quickly too. Hermann was grateful for the warm body curling up behind him as he fell asleep, hand going over Newton’s and pressing back ever so lightly.


	14. Morning Boners

There were no dreams again that night, just a comfortable closeness with a warm body that was comfortable against his sore hip. He groaned and leaned back, stiffening only when he felt something, something hard against the top of his buttocks.

Hermann ground his teeth together as he woke up and realized just _what_ that something hard was. He tried to sidle away but there was an arm around his shoulders, the bright tattoos giving it away as Newton’s. Charlie’s. Newton’s. Something. He gingerly shifted, freeing his arm enough to slide the one on top of him away, freeing himself at last. He slid from the bed, glad that his leg was supporting his weight for once.

Newton was still wearing his glasses. Hermann noticed as he stood and pulled his cane closer, sighing softly and leaning forward to remove them from the biologist’s face. Newt let out a sigh and grunt before his snoring started again. Hermann shook his head slightly before retreating to the bathroom.

He just needed to calm down. After all, it wasn’t the first time he’d woken with Newton having a hard on digging into his back. It most likely wouldn’t be the last one with the way things were going either. If Newton didn’t run off again, that was. So why did it freak him out.

“Yo, science freak, robot girl, Charlie, get your asses up and moving!” Hermann jerked, grabbing the counter when the door leading out to the hall was beaten. There were confused noises coming from the beds, and he limped out of the bathroom to look in the peephole.

It was the insufferable one who liked to wear shirts with their sleeves ripped off. He could only guess where the twins were at. Or that annoying little old man. He walked away, his frustration obvious to Mako, who was sitting up and attempting to free herself from the tangle of sheets she had wrapped herself into. Newton was looking around blearily, trying to figure out what happened to his glasses. 

“Side table Newton,” Hermann said, limping to sit at the desk. “And your old friend is attempting to beat down the door to see you.” He stretched his leg out, closing his eyes briefly. 

“Sorry.” Newton found his glasses and slipped out of bed, hurrying to the door. He peeked through the peephole briefly before opening the door. “Mac, hey, no need to be so fucking loud dude.” He stepped back, letting the man in. Hermann barely stifled a groan and wished he could follow Mako into the bathroom as she went to hide.

“Figured you all were all asleep still man.” Mac grinned, slapping Newton on the back as he looked about. Hermann felt his eyes slide over his pajamas, feeling self conscious about the plainness of his clothes. Meanwhile, Newton was attempting to pull on his shirt and pants while keeping an anxious eye on his childhood friend and his current one. “So, Charlie, you actually look like yourself with that bedhead. Sweet Dee and Dennis kept pulling up articles about everything you’d done. You’re a big brained scientist now huh?”

“Yeah, a real rock star now.” Newton finished dressing and Hermann could feel his anxiety building in his chest. “It’s great. I can read, and I’ve got like, all the degrees ever and getting laid near every night…” Hermann sighed, shaking his head slightly, drawing back their attention. 

“And who’re you, Charlie’s babysitter?” Mac sat on the bed, bouncing slightly from the weight of it. When Hermann opened his mouth in a huff, Newton cut in. 

“He’s one of the foremost mathematicians in the field,” he said, stepping between them. Hermann could still feel the anxiety building up in Newton but there was something different too. A surge of calm down whatever mental path had been created between them. Hermann closed his eyes briefly before he settled down again. “He’s responsible for predicting the attacks as well as the severity of the events. “

Mac was watching Newton as he spoke, a smile slowly growing on his face. His smug face, Hermann quietly corrected himself, frown growing. “I see there Charlie.” He looked at Hermann, then at Newton with that stupid, smug smile of his. “So, now that all that Kaiju shit is done with, are you gonna come back to the bar? We could really use your help.” 

“Why would I –”

“Why would _Newton_ want to return to that awful bar of yours to do drudge work while you and your friends get drunk and make no profit?” Hermann forced himself to stand, wobbling slightly until he grabbed at the chair he had vacated. He glared at Mac, disliking every inch of his smug, stupid face. He was not thinking clearly.

Mac shrugged, focusing on Hermann again. “He could pull a great profit, and the Gang all misses him. Is there any reason he shouldn’t come back? Are the Kaiju coming back to kill us all? Ooh, that’d be real scary.” He even pulled the spooky fingers, wriggling at Hermann like they were middle schoolers. 

“Maybe it’s because you lot abused him, forcing him to work the filthies – ”

“Hermann, that’s enough.” Newton took his shoulder, pulling him aside carefully. “You’re getting upset.” 

“Of course I’m getting upset,” Hermann said, stumbling as Newton continued to pull him towards the door, and out into the hall. He didn’t even mind so much that he was still in pajamas. “That man is one of the people who treated you like dirt, less than even. I think he had more respect for dirt than you. And he wants to drag you back into all of that when, look at you. Look at what you’ve done for yourself. You’re dyslexic and yet you’ve helped save the world!”

“Hermann, Hermann, Herms, Jesus, stop for just a second. Breathe. Please.” Newt’s hands were on his shoulders, squeezing. Hermann’s glower made the man grin. “Yeah, okay, be mad at me. I did run off after all, left you unconscious at the mercy of the m-techs.” 

“Yeah, that’s something we’re going to discuss later Newton,” Hermann said, still pissed. He glowered at the door to the hotel room.

“Herms – ” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

Newt smiled as he got Hermann’s attention again, his anxiety still filtering through to Hermann and making him twitch. Newton’s hands were on his shoulders, holding him steady. “We will talk it later, okay? But right now I need you to not start yelling at Mac. Grew up with him and all that. So please, please, let me talk to him.” 

“He wants to take you back to that bar.” 

Newton shrugged, looking away briefly. Hermann was frowning when he looked back up. “Who knows? Maybe it’ll be safer for me here. After all, who’d expect Charlie Kelly to be the man who helped stop the apocalypse?”

“Newton…”

“Look, just go downstairs and get some breakfast. I’ll talk to Mac. He’ll be gone by the time you’re back and Mako will be liberated from the bathroom. So, just go dude.” 

“You expect me to go in my flannels?” He looked down, as if realizing for the first time what he was wearing. Newton nodded, slapping his shoulder before parting.

“Just remember you’re a rock star Herms. You’ll do great.” And he disappeared back into the hotel room, leaving Hermann without a key card and sputtering slightly in his confusion.

“Don’t…don’t call me that Newton Geiszler!” he finally shouted. He was pretty sure he could hear laughter as he stalked down the hall to call the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, guess what's finally being revived! I've started rewatching It's Always Sunny and decided now would be a great time to take a stab at finishing this fic. I'll be a little slow in updating it - the Gang's still a pain in the ass to write and I have to review my notes on how this was going, but let it be known I'm going to try and accommodate everything's that's happened in the past year and some change. So hopefully it will be an enjoyable experience, and I apologize if this chapter is a little lackluster after so long.


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